(2) Self Harm, Depression & The Janoskians

Chapter 44

"April! Please! Please stop!" Luke begged as I cried on the bathroom floor. Red poured from my arms as guilt washed over me.

Relapse is the worst. It eats you up moments after it happens, but you still feel that long awaiting release. As soon as I got the call from Gina telling me that my dad had been near Lindsay let alone hurt her, I didn't know how to react. Luke wasn't home so I couldn't speak to him, so I found myself in the bathroom. I told myself not to but I somehow blamed myself for this all, my dad was my blood and it made me feel immense guilt. This was the second time he had hurt her.

"Please." Luke cried as he held my arm out and tried to catch the blood in a tissue.

"Luke," I cried. "I'm sorry."

"April come on, keep your eyes open, they're coming. They're coming."

I had done it this time. To deep, to fast. I felt my body slowing down and feeling like I could take a long sleep. Luke was screaming down the phone to who I assume was an ambulance. "Come on baby, come on." He cooed.

Luke's POV.

"Come on baby, come on." I hushed to April as I tried to control my tears.

I wasn't expecting to come home to April alone on the bathroom floor, covered in blood and crying hysterically. They were awful. She had been building up the tension inside of her since the last time she cut. She had been waiting for a little something to push her off the edge and spiral.

Her face was pale and she seemed sleepy. Blood covered her arms and shirt. My hands now being covered. "Luke," She breathed. "I love you."

"No, no, no. Don't say that April. Don't say that like a goodbye, you're going to be fine."

"It's to deep."

"I know, but they're coming."

• • • •

"Mr.Brooks?" A nurse appeared.

"Is she okay?" I asked quickly standing to my feet.

"Yes, she's still heavily asleep but we've stitched the cuts up and she will be fine."

"Can I see her?"

"Yes. Follow me." She said as I followed her down the long corridors. We then got to her room and I entered it and felt sick at the sight. She was still pale and her lips were even paler. Her arms were slightly red still but stitches held the wounds together. They were defiantly going to scar. Not like some of her others.

I sat down beside her and got out my phone, holding her hand in one hand and my phone in the other. I pressed it against my ear and called Lindsay.

"Luke?" She answered.

"Hello."

"What's the matter? Is April okay?"

"She cut."

"Oh no." She cried down the other line.

"Can I speak to her?"

"She's sleeping. We are in the hospital."

"Hospital? How fucking bad was it?"

"Bad enough for stitches and for her to have to come here."

"Fuck," she sighed. "I'm so sorry this had to happen, Luke. I bet it's horrible because you have to deal with it alone out in New York."

Aprils hand slightly twitched against mine, I quickly shot a look at her and her eyes were wide open looking at me. "Linds, I have to go." I said and hung up.

"April," I hummed and leaned down to place a kiss against her lips.

"I've fucked this whole trip up. I'm so selfish."

"No you're not, no you haven't." I assured her. I pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear and sat down on the edge of her bed. "We are going to go home okay?"

"Are we going back to LA?"

"No, home, home, April."

"I want to see the boys."

"It's not good you being away, maybe we should go back to Australia and you can stay with Lindsay for a while."

"What are you saying? I'm going home and you're not?"

"I am, I'm coming home. Just not staying."

"But you said, we was going to be together for a few months?"

"Maybe it's best, you need to be around your family."

"My family? I have one fucking blood related family member left who gives a shit. You are all my family, your mum and the boys are my family."

"I'm sorry."

Tears rolled down her cheeks. "I need you with me."

"But I don't think you should be in LA with me at the moment."

"But you lied. You said we was going home together."

"We are, but not for as long. There's a change in plan."

She didn't reply. She just blankly stared at the ceiling. "April-"

"Sh, I don't want to speak." She said. "Just lay down."

She scooted her body over and I lay beside her, I held her hand in mine but she didn't have enough energy to squeeze my hand back when I tugged at hers. I held her arm up so we could both view what she had done to herself, "I love you." I spoke.

"I love you too." She gently hushed back.

I left not long after, her eyes fluttered shut after a few moments until she fell into a deep sleep, then I lay in bed at the apartment all alone. Wondering what the hell to do with this situation. If anything I didn't expect April to relapse so easily and quickly. I honestly thought she was doing amazing.

I lay still and stared at the blank white ceiling wondering where to go from here.