(2) Self Harm, Depression & The Janoskians

Chapter 46

Luke's POV

I woke up very early the next morning, due to April fidgeting in her sleep profusely. "April." I called.

I sat up and watched as she shuffled around, trying her hardest to get comfortable. She sat up and gave up trying as she looked me dead in the eye. I leaned back against the bed frame and she lay against me. I stroked her arm up and down to try and relax her, "I love you." I said to her, no reply.

"You know, I want you to be so happy April. I don't want you ending up like, Nora. Cooped up in hospital waiting to be released and driving yourself even more insane due to lack of being outside. You need to let the past go, I know you think your only option of letting the past go is killing yourself, but I promise it isn't. I let my past go, but I understand my upbringing was much better than yours, but you're ok now. Ok? You've got me, Lindsay, mum and the boys." I sighed.

"I love you too." She whispered back minutes later, the sound of her voice making me relax even more and exhale. Her voice sending chills down my arms.

"I'm coming home with you, it's all going to be okay."

I looked down a few moments later, to see her eyes closing and drifting off into a long awaited sleep.

• • • •

The next time I woke up I was straight on the laptop booking flights back for me and April to Melbourne. She wasn't that enthusiastic about going home as she really didn't want too, but I knew I was doing what was best for her, so I thought.

"You're putting her in danger." Beau said to me.

"How?"

"Her dad said to Lindsay there is people he knows on the hunt for April back home. What about if they catch her and hurt her Luke? You'll be the one to blame for taking her home and leaving her there, when she could be here protected by us, far away from anyone who could hurt her."

"Nobody's going to hurt her. I'm going to be there."

"For how long? A few days? A week? Then you're coming back here."

"Whatever, Beau." I sighed scrolling down the website to finalise the bookings.

"I feel like I should go back with you to protect her because you're doing a shit job of it, and you're her boyfriend."

I shut the laptop down after booking the flights for two days time and told Beau to shut up and walked into our back garden to sit by the pool.

• • • •

Aprils POV

I was shaking profusely and couldn't stop, I was sat in the bath and even though the water was warm on my skin my shaking couldn't stop. I felt so on edge and felt like I couldn't hear myself think. I knew that I was probably seeming like I was overreacting to Lindsay being attacked by my father but it wasn't even that. I had been faking my happiness to everyone around me and myself for months and I guess that just made me flip. Cutting myself felt like a huge release and I now found myself doing the same to my skin in the bath as the water slowly discoloured due to the blood. My shaking hands didn't help the situation as I cut my wrist. Tears fell down my face and I really didn't know what I was doing anymore. I had just felt so depressed since leaving the hospital, I really didn't know what I wanted anymore. I felt like I could depend on Luke before now he could wait to get me back to Australia. I lay back in the bath resting my arm in the warm water, dipping my head under the water after it and holding my body down. I closed my eyes and took in the feeling of not breathing for a period of time. But instead of gasping for air I found myself blocking out the knocking sound coming from outside and trying to keep myself underwater, my body tried to get me to let go and breathe but I tried to clamp myself down I felt my lungs ache inside my body and my eyes slowly felt as if they could close. My mouth opened wide and small bubbles flew to the top of the water. My eyes started to see clouds of black and went fuzzy before I felt my body being dragged up by two hands.

"What are you doing!" A voice shouted as I felt myself being hoisted out of the bath. "Your fucking arm, April!"

Who turned out to be Luke, lay me down on the floor and wrap my body in a towel, before trying to clean my arm. I lay weakly on the floor before knowing that I was going to be shouted at for this.

I turned my head slowly to the door blocking out what Luke was saying as Beau and Jai quickly appeared at the door and looked at my arm and face. "What happened?" Jai said to Luke.

"What does it fucking look like?" Luke spat.

"Is she okay?" Beau said.

"Well, I've just found her trying to fucking drown herself and a cut up arm, what the fuck do you think?"

"She tried to kill herself?"

"Are you even listening to me? I literally just fucking said."

"Don't be so rude." I quickly snapped, finding my energy out of nowhere. "Please get him out, please," I cried. "I can clean myself up."

"April..." Luke started.

"Please, get out."

He left and Beau sat beside me cleaning my arm and standing me up making sure that my towel covered my body. He took me into his room and told Jai to get me some clothes. I sat on his bed and beau turned to look at me. "You scare me when you do things like this."

"Sorry." I replied feeling guilty towards him.

"You know I care about you right? I want you to stay in LA. I really do, but Luke doesn't think it's right. He thinks you need Lindsay." He replied.

I stay quiet as Jai brought in a change of clothes and Beau told me to get changed and call him when I'm done, which I did and Beau came back up with a cup of hot chocolate.

I lay in Beau's bed before he lent down and hugged me and told me everything was going to be okay. Which I didn't know if to believe or not at the moment. He lay the other side and spent the rest of the day watching funny films as he put his best efforts into me to make me laugh and smile and I realised just how much I had needed my best friend back, so I made sure I took advantage of this time.

• • • •

I have been in hospital. I'm going to say what happened so I don't have to comment people privately. It was a suicide attempt and that's why I haven't updated. I am very sorry if you're not happy with me not updating or this chapter but it will have to do :) please be patient I'm going to try and regularly update again. Instead of commenting that you hope I'm okay just leave a comment for ideas/what you liked that will make me happy. Thank u. Love u all.

Ps. Who would be interested in doing a meet up in London?