(2) Self Harm, Depression & The Janoskians

Chapter 26

Beau's POV

I stared at April's back which was facing me, she was up till early hours in the morning with me, crying and debating what to do. I didn't know what to tell her, she said she obviously didn't want to break up with Luke, but she said she felt as if they both need space with her going home and all. I sat there just rubbing her back trying to calm her down and didn't say much. You know when people cry so hard it looks like they can't breathe? That's what it was like and it was so scary. Little did she know, I didn't want them together when she goes home, not because I don't support their relationship, it just wouldn't help April and Luke having to be apart as seeing Luke like that before depressed us all, but then again, he was the one declining the chance to go home with her.

She soon turned around and her eyes had seemed to go back to their normal colour and not blood shot red, her cheeks had gone back to the rosy colour they normally are and she looked half asleep. We just looked at each other for a while, we didn't say anything, we just stared, until I felt it had become to much so I just started with, "What time do you need a lift to the airport?"

"One this afternoon, my flight leaves at four." She said, her blank face looking at me still.

I sighed, "Okay. Who do you want to come?"

"Just you, I'll say goodbye to everyone before."

I nodded, "That's fine."

"Sorry about last night." She said to me, but I could see she was reminiscing about last night again and I didn't want another episode of her crying, because I hated seeing her like that.

I smiled, "It doesn't matter, it didn't bother me."

She nodded, "What should I do?"

I shrugged. "Whatever you feel is right, whatever you want. It's your choice, nobody can force you to stay with him or not."

"It's just, it's nearly been a year since we had met and I just feel like I would be chucking it all away."

"No you're not." I reassured her.

She groaned and rolled onto her front and sank her face into the pillow and mumbled, "Can you grab all my stuff out of his room for me?"

"Yeah, I will." I said as she nodded and just looked blankly down at the pillow.

• • • •

The time had come, April was individually going into each of the boy's room's, trying to avoid Luke as much as possible and saying goodbye to everyone, she was crying again, this time not as bad as last night but it still choked me and the boys up slightly.

"I'll see you soon, I'll miss you so much." James said trying to keep the lump in his throat down, she smiled while her tears rushed down her cheeks again, she tried playfully laughing as he hugged her tightly again, I knew this would be hard on James too, he was the one who secretly got her here, now she was going again, it all felt so quick.

I knew all April wanted now, was to go into Luke's room and say goodbye, I knew. She just didn't want it to be awkward and last night had seemed to escalate so fast and their 'break up' happened too fast also. She just needed time to breathe, which she didn't have as she was about to rush off to the airport. Luke stayed in his room though, he was still asleep. Even though it was the afternoon, I think he must have been up even later last night contemplating what had happened and now was just in a deep sleep, I wanted to wake him and say she was going, but I didn't want to interfere and upset April during her goodbyes, I knew he would feel like crap when he got up. He isn't awake now and I knew it was going to piss him off.

We did have a lot of work going on at the moment though, in some way I saw where he was coming from, but we were all willing to go home, all but him, I didn't fully know his real reasons. Maybe there was something else stopping him from going home, but what that was I didn't have the first clue.