(2) Self Harm, Depression & The Janoskians

Chapter 25

"April," I heard a faint whisper. "April." It cooed again, I fluttered my eyes open and saw a body hovering over me. At first, it startled me, as my eyes shot open, I knew it was Luke straight away.

"What?" I asked him.

"Can we have sex?" He said, I was utterly confused at his remark, as it was still night and I was half asleep.

"What?" I repeated.

"Well, you'll be gone tomorrow and we won't have the chance to for a while."

"Yeah, well who's fault is that?" I said turning on my side away from him.

"April, I said I was sorry."

"I don't care about it all now. Just let me sleep." I told him as I pulled the cover up to my neck and closed my eyes.

"So, I take that as a no?"

I sighed. "Why do you want to anyway?"

"I want to be able to touch you, just feel you against me." He said and I did laugh at his statement as the way he was it was just amusing.

"Can't we just do it tomorrow?" I said my eyes now starting to feel heavier.

"The boys will be with you all day too."

I grunted. "Ugh, Luke. Please I really can't be bothered."

I felt his body weigh down on me even more. "Can I have a kiss then?"

I rolled back onto my front, I may as well give him a kiss just so I could sleep as I knew he wouldn't quit speaking until I did. Straight away he lent down and connected our lips, it felt like a while since we had kissed and it seemed to feel special. The kiss was soft and slow, probably because one of us was still half asleep, but it was perfect anyway. Luke did try to kiss me harder, until I slightly nudged him and he laughed into my lips. When we pulled away, I ran my hands through his hair and smiled. "I hate it when you act like a little dick."

"I don't mean to. You know I can't stay mad with you, ever anyway."

"I really want you to come home with me, Luke. I can't be away from you again like last time."

He sighed. "It wont be like last time." He tried to reassure me.

"And you're sure of this how? I mean you did admit to ignoring me last time." I said, slightly getting upset bringing that back up.

"I wasn't in the best place, it won't happen again."

"Won't you miss me?"

He groaned and sat himself up, his back turned to the side and he pressed it into the wall. His hands ran over his face. "Yes, obviously."

"I can't do it Luke." I said, now seeming to feel wide awake. "I can't. It wasn't as bad for you, you have all the boys with you, I have nobody really. Yes, Lindsay, maybe one friend. But nothing compared to you lot. It really fucked me up."

He looked at me, the obvious expression of hurt plastered on his face. "Are you scared?"

"Of what?" I asked him.

"You know," He shrugged. "Of hurting yourself, you're doing so well. Except what you was doing earlier," He exhaled. "I am, I'm so fucking scared, I can't let you hurt yourself, not again."

"Then come, please." I begged, my body now shooting up and facing him, my palms pressing into his legs.

He looked at me, his eyes sleepy and sad. I knew the anwser anyway, I didn't need him to turn me down again, I just sat back, I then felt my chest tighten, the realisation that there was no persauding Luke, he was staying here and there was no way around that, I had asked and asked. I shook my head, if he was honestly the slightest worried, he wouldn't even have to be asked to come home. I shook my head and I felt my cheeks heat up and become wet, just as he saw that he moved forward. "April, please." He said, but I moved his hands off of me.

"You obviously do not care, if you was so fucking worried, you'd come home with me," I said harshly. "Atleast, your fucking brothers and mates have thought about coming."

"Don't speak to me like that, there's no point of arguing over this."

"Isn't there? Because from where I'm sitting you're acting like a selfish asshole." I said, not meaning completely what I was saying and feeling slightly guilty after.

"Well to be honest, April. You haven't even thought about my feelings, I mean you fucking jumped at the chance to go home! You didn't even talk to me about it? How do you think that makes me feel? My own girlfriend seem's to want to leave in a matter of fucking seconds!" He shouted. "You're the selfish asshole."

"Fuck off!" I said, the conversation turning nasty. "I did not jump at the chance. My only real family member has been beaten up, Lindsays in hospital, I can't sit out here while she's cooped up in some hospital, I know how she's feeling."

"You couldn't fucking wait to go home! You booked a flight for the next day! I mean, Jesus, if you really cared about my feelings you would have atleast booked it so you had a whole day here! Then you expect me to drop everything in a few seconds!"

Beaus POV

I sat up on my bed, listening. Luke and April had grew louder now. First off they woke me up because of their bickering now I could hear they were up now and arguing loudly. They were calling eachother disgusting names, I think they both even lost track of what they were arguing about. I cringed at the names they were screaming at eachother, I knew I had to get up and stop it at some point, before they wake the whole house up.

I got to my feet and walked out into the hallway, where the argument had now been brought out too. Luke and Aprils faces landed on mine, Luke looked overly angry, as did she. "Can you two stop out here, you're waking everyone up." I didn't want to sound too rude, April was sobbing, her eyes were swollen and red. I could see she was still crying now. Luke didn't look much different.

"Sorry, Beau." April cooed.

"I'm not! This still isn't sorted."

"April, go into my room, you two need to be away from eachother." I said to her, she looked at Luke then back at me, she slowly walked away nearing towards me.

"We're not finished?" Luke said to me, I nodded. "Yes you are."

"Yeah, well to be honest I dont care what happens now, go home and I'll see you whenever." He said, with no emotion except from exhaustion.

April popped back from around me and I rolled my eyes thinking this was all about to blow back up again. "In that case, I dont care what happens with us now." She said, then she untangled a knot at the back of her neck, then pulling off a piece of string with a charm on the end and shoving it into Luke, which he grabbed out of her hand. "Fuck this."

"Yeah, well you can go home now, which you was so excited about." Luke spat back, before they both walked off, Luke into his room, April into mine, slamming the doors behind them.