(2) Self Harm, Depression & The Janoskians

Chapter 31

I woke up tangled into Luke's body, our legs wound up with our arms twisted around each other. I could feel his soft breathing beneath me as my head was pressed upon his chest. I looked up at him and his plump lips were relaxed, along with the rest of his face. I lay looking at the ceiling thinking about the airport last night, I couldn't believe that he had let a fan see us like that.

I slowly untangled myself from him, I knew he needed a little longer to sleep so I quietly left the room. I had no idea what the time was as I hadn't bothered checking my phone, but I was guessing it can't be too early as I felt as if I had a good long sleep.

I wandered downstairs, it was silent at first. I made my way to the kitchen and James was inside, his back faced away from me. I slowly tiptoed behind him before shouting "Boo!" And grabbing his shoulders, he automatically gasped and turned around and his facial features relaxed. He didn't even hesitate to hug me.

"Fuck sake, I wasn't expecting to see you this early."

"Well, here I am." I laughed.

"Good to be back?"

"Of course." I smiled, which he returned.

"April!" A voice called from the top of the stairs, which I knew was Luke's.

I raised my hand to James as if to say 'one second' and made my way back upstairs. As I reached the top Luke stared back at me from his bedroom door. "Yes?" I said to him.

"Come here." He said as I made my way over.

He grabbed my wrist, which I winced at but he didn't seem to notice as he pulled me into his room. I felt myself wanting to scream as he dragged me inside and his fingers pressed harshly against my unseen wounds. Once inside he let go and I let out a deep breath of relief.

"You need to see this." He said seeming quite panicked.

I wandered over to the bed where his laptop lay, I sat beside him and he flipped the screen up and my eyes widened. "What..."

"Shit!" He exclaimed and ran a hang through his hair. "I only saw it this morning, I'm so sorry April."

On the screen was photos, one was of Luke and I holding hands as we stood in the airport, another was of us on the plane, again holding hands and deep in gaze. Who was on the plane? I thought to myself. The shock overwhelmed me that now we was well and truly found out. "What should I do?" Luke said.

"What can you do? Have they gone viral?" I panicked. We did kind of ask for this though, well Luke did, he was the one who kept my hand in his when the girl came over.

He nodded without saying a word. "Then, we deal with it."

"Don't you care?" He said, but it seemed to me that he did more than me.

"What? No! The only thing I care about is getting hate for it. I can't deal with that? They're your fans, they needed to know at some point. I know I kept saying no, but it's done now." I said, the words flowing out more fluently that expected, the shock hadn't actually set in and I didn't know how to feel.

"I don't want you to get any shit, honestly I don't. I wish they could see us, just for a day."

"What are you going to do?" I asked him, my eyes glazing on the photos again.

"What do you mean? What am I going to do?"

"They're your fans? I can't exactly say anything."

He buried his face in his hands before looking back up and sighing. "I have no fucking clue. I know I need to do something soon. Quick too."

I felt like crying, honestly, I had never actually imagined or planned how I would have felt. I didn't even know if this would ever come out, I didn't actually expect Luke and I to last this long."They're going to kill me." I said, as I felt the realisation kicking in.