At least I got a break by sleeping. And I didn't even have a dream, so that was even better. But now I'm awake and all of those feelings came rushing back in a tidal wave of hatred and pain. I think it's best to stay laying down, away from any temptation, because I have no will power to keep myself away from it all. I can't stop zoning off and imagining life without me in it. Day dreaming of a life without pain. Hoping for a day to be happy just because I woke up with no reason to be otherwise. But those are all hopes and dreams, nothing more. I can't turn my families lives upside down just because I want to stop existing. That would be completely selfish of me, even though it's all I want. I just want to stop. I need to stop. I at least need some type of break.
