Someone sent me a song to listen to last night. I had already heard it. I heard it the first time with you. You sang it to me over and over again one night. And everytime i hear it i think of you. I used to not be able to listen to it. It just brought it all crashing down. But now, now i can listen to it and sing along even though a bitter taste fills my mouth and the words i sing feel like lead on my tongue. You dont understand how mistrusting i am of people because of you now. You dont understand how insecure and worthless you make me feel. But worst of all, you showed me just how replaceable I am.
And after it all, all i want for you is to be happy.
I want you to be laughing until you cant breathe and are red in the face.
I want you to be able to take a second and think," i am happy. I am content."
And before i thought that id be apart of that. I wished for that. But, i realized, i may not be apart of your happiness, or even apart of your life, and as sad as that makes me, i can honestly say ive done something good in my life. I got you to a better place, and out of a toxic environment. I didnt do it myself, but more like i supported you through the hard moments and the sad ones. Id help you celebrate the happy moments too. Or i used to.
So maybe im worse off than when we started. But you seem happy and that is all I've ever wanted for you. All i wanted was for you to smile that dazzling, genuinely sincere smile. So i hope when you hear that song, you smile and sing along and dance. Because then it would all had been worth it.
