The silence is becoming unbearable. Just the fan alone isn't enough at times anymore.
It's like I'm being suffocated with thoughts and feelings that only sound can drown out. But on the flip side, more noise just causes more chaos. It's just a different wavelength. The thoughts and feelings are like this high pitch ring, or almost like a white noise. Kind of like the sound of the tv after the channel ends and it's just static. It doesn't seem to ever stop completely, but neither do the thoughts. Those thoughts always seem to find a way to worm themselves back into the forefront of my mind. And even though they're normal now, I mean after seven years it should be considered as normal, right? They still cause me to feel as though my bones weigh a ton, and my mind has turned to mesh. They make my tongue feel as though it's made of iron and is unable to be lifted for the motivation to talk is too much. So maybe the tv is on while my earphones are in. Maybe the music is going while I'm attempting to read. Because any sound is better than the thoughts in my head that seem to attack whenever I have a moment of silence.
