This is it.
The moment I thought I'd been able to keep myself from, to never have to deal with again.
It's all caving in, slowly at first but now, now it's just an stampeding avalanche of misery and loneliness and an aching need of self worth that will never happen.
It's not their fault.
It isn't her fault.
It's mine.
My mind is pushing everyone away,
Tapering off from anyone who brings joy or love or care into my life.
Because who can keep them around while you're becoming who you used to be?
Angry and livid and broken and useless.
No one needs to be around that.
No one needs to see it.
I'm not going to survive another round of this fight. I can't handle this constant being put down and feeling worthless and a burden and so unhappy.
This place is killing me again, but unfortunately, I see it coming this time.
I can't live this way, not again.
I tried so hard to become who I wanted to be, just for it to all go away in an instant. I'm not ready for this.
I want my moments back; the never ending laughter and the meaningful smiles and, and the true, raw feeling of happiness.
I don't feel that anymore.
Honestly, I'm starting to not feel anything anymore. I'm slowly shutting off all my feelings, even though I'm trying not to.
This is hard, so much harder than I ever predicted it would be.
Maybe, maybe I will survive this.
But I will loathe who I have to become to do that.
