I gave in.
I finally let him have a taste of what I wanted to tell him and what happened? Everything i thought would happen, but worse. The yelling didn't stop for an hour. Expect for the times when he would just stare at me with disappointment oozing out of his eyes that were already filled with anger to the brim.
I couldn't stand trying to show him he was wrong; for he is never wrong.
I mean how could he be wrong when it came to me? Im the kid who can never be what he needs.
He bashes on mom for not doing her "duties" around the house, and I am the one who does them yet I get yelled at because it is not my job.
He bashes on mom for "failing" me. She may have not been around all the time as i was growing up but she never, ever made me feel worthless and less than equally loved, and then denies that she is doing that. I got yelled at for an hour and then was made sure i knew he was disappointed in me for almost another hour. So after that, i finally gave in.
I tried to keep the urges at bay, but i couldn't. I tried to force myself to not take a shower so I wouldn't do it.
But i finally got up with a tear stained face and fixed it. I made it go away. For five minutes i was okay. The blood was all gone in the tub, so there was nothing to worry about with the kids seeing it. I know it was wrong, but i can't seem to do anything right anyway so why try anymore? Maybe ill finally let him be right. I'll be who he says I am. Because that might finally shut him the fuck up.
