I'm ready to go. I'm content with leaving. I know I'm gonna hurt people, but honestly, I can't focus on that. I'm in too much pain, and I'm in too deep. I don't want to do any of this anymore. I don't want to laugh
To smile
To sing
To walk
To read
To live
To breathe
I can't look at life any other way other than this.
If you consider me weak, then that's what I am. I am weak. I'm not strong, or tough, or good.
There's no point in pushing for something I don't want.
Maybe there is a god, and maybe he will be disappointed in me.
It doesn't matter, because I'm disappointed in me.
I'm disappointed I can't hold on any longer.
I'm disappointed in how I'm going out.
I'm disappointed that, honestly, I'm still here.
I'll wait until the appropriate time, if there's ever such a thing.
I'll be courteous of where I go, and make sure the kids never see me like that.
I'd hope my parents would tell them I'm just gone for a vacation, but they're too old and smart for that.
They'd know I was gone, which is what hurts the most.
I'm gonna leave them to be by themselves, and to carry this burden alone. Maybe I should teach joe how to cook first.
That way he can make dinner like I do.
They will be healthier that way.
And I'll teach Tessa how to do her hair.
That way she can do it when mom is down.
I'll clean my room first, so Tessa can have a nice room to herself.
I'll help dad get the Honda started so that's one more working car. Hopefully he can teach joe how to drive stick.
I'll write letters to everyone, and make them specific for each person.
After that, I'll be ready.
