I don't recognize myself anymore.
I'm not me.
I'm some rundown piece of shit person who can't seem to get a grip to save her life.
This person I see is broken.
A waste.
Trash.
Nothing.
I keep fighting to not be this other person, this thing. But I am not going to win this fight. Not this time.
I'm yearning for the feeling of my lungs starting to shut down again, and for the feelings of crimson liquid to flow down my wrists.
I'm not me anymore. I'm this thing that only wants one thing. To be numb. Whether that's through alcohol and pills or razor blades.
I can see it's wrong.
It's like I'm watching a movie, but I can't press pause or rewind. I'm watching this train wreck and I'm the conductor.
I am not seeing myself anymore, I see a scared, broken, stranger.
