Denial
I didn't believe. I couldn't.
I never thought that this would be happening, or that it could happen to me. I was always careful. I never talked to strangers and I used the buddy system everywhere as a child and even as an adult now.
I was supposed to be safe.
I was supposed to be taken care of and watched out for.
And my dad didn't know that this would happen. I have to believe that if he knew he wouldn't have left me there. He would've picked me up and kept me close as he was supposed to when I was a child. But it was family and he was heartbroken because my mom chose pills over us then and he needed time because sending your wife to rehab seems hard and I don't blame him for asking his family to help with us. And us kids wanted to stay, we had cousins to sleep over with and we never got to see them. So it was an easy decision. But I wish i would've told him no. I wish I could've sensed the danger. I don't know how he or I didn't. But then again as an eight year old focused on missing my mom I wasn't very worried about anything else.
I did a good job blocking it out for a long time. But I guess I couldn't do it anymore. I was just laying in bed happy and I don't know what happened but it all came flooding in like water, drowning me. And I haven't been able to breathe since.
