I thought it was just my mind that was going back to it's old ways.
Its not.
I fell off the wagon again today. I tried so hard to work through the pain and to just do it myself, but the pill makes it easier. Well it used to. But now I'm going back so far with my back it didn't do anything.
Tessa brought up using the cane again today. I told her to never say that again. I didn't want to admit it, but I could tell that's where I'm heading if I continue this way.
I broke a plate today. A fucking plate. That pissed me off so much. My faltering body is now affecting my ability to help around the damn house again. I can't fucking do this. Im starting to be more angry all the time like i used to be so I can use it as a mask for how I'm really feeling.
Terrified and worried.
I am also angry. Angry that I'm back to how I used to be. That my mind is getting worse than it used to be and I guess I'm hiding it so well mom thinks I'm better. That's a joke right?
My back,
my head,
my mind.
Me.
Im going backwards so fast I don't even know where to hold on to to keep myself from falling off the edge completely. Im a mess but I cant stop to pick up the pieces because I have others to take care of first.
