She thought I would be mad. Mad... no, mad isn't quite the word to describe my feelings. Maybe that is because I don't feel anything. I shut my emotions off as soon as the words,"He asked my dad for permission to date me." I instantly flipped that switch, well, as much as I could. I sat and listened as I was expected to because, if I didn't it would upset her. And heaven forbid me to upset her. So I bit the bullet and took the pain and did my best to be supportive and smile and act as if there was not a care in me. But oh my did I fucking care. Luckily she didn't make me say the promise that I wasn't upset, because I wouldn't have sworn that on her life. Because I wouldn't lie. Not to her, not in a promise anyway. I can't even breathe, and thought writing was a better alternative to the others. And no, she wouldn't be the reason for that, but she didn't know I already had a shit day and added thirty to the barely healing twenty four just hours before she came back. She didn't know that her unpacking her guilt ridden feelings onto me would cause me to fall farther off the edge I was already holding onto with a single string of hope. But I can't let it show. My dad opened his door as I walked down the hall and mom asked if I was alright. I told her yes, but nodded no. She caught on and knows something went completely sideways. I am completely sideways. And all she is doing is spinning me farther sideways.
She is dating someone. A guy. A fucking guy, but not one of the two she had left me for before. She apologized for those. Oh, and told me she was in love with this guy she repeatedly told me she was nothing but a friend with. The whole thing was friendship based. This whole fucking night has gone so God Damn sideways it is almost too much. She expects me to cry tonight when she is sleeping. So I know for a fact I can't cry, not a single tear. Because then it will confirm her suspicions of me actually caring. And I can't have that. As far as it concerns with Hannah, I am done caring in that form. She made a joke about me not being in love with her anymore. I almost screamed. That is when I got mad.
