I'm back to acting and faking it all.
It's like none of it happened, except it's all I think about.
I can't go through with it, without making sure the kids are alright first though. I can't let them be hurt and unable to take care of themselves.
So I'll pretend and put everyone's needs ahead of mine, and not fix my problems. I'll take care of everyone else.
Once again I'll push my feelings down enough so I don't choke on them every time I open my mouth, and I don't feel them pushing against my rib cage trying to tip my body apart every time I take a breath. I won't feel them pour down my face in the form of silent tears in the dark.
Or maybe I'll use those feelings to plaster on the smile you see everyday, and use them to push out that forced laugh when you make a joke.
But I can't just let them be. I have to pretend, because if I don't, I'll fail. And that's not an option. Not for me.
