As soon as I think I have her figured out she twists everything around.
Not in a bad sense, but a confusing one. She keeps her distance and then at the most least expected moments she does heart stopping things.
Like grab my hand and pull me close, or kiss me in the water in the dark. She risked a lot doing that, yet she still did it. I'm still surprised she did it.
But now, she won't reply, she is acting as though I don't exist.
It's a great way to confuse me that's for sure. But I can only handle so much until I get whiplash.
She doesn't know I'm down again. She doesn't know I've fallen off the wagon, and have been abusing pills again. She doesn't know any of that sad shit. Maybe because as soon as I get the courage to bring it up, she leaves. Or maybe because I'm afraid she will get tired of me and use it as an excuse to walk away. At this point who knows.
All I know is I want to commit, maybe not in a official way, but I want to feel wanted. I want to feel needed. Most of all, I want to feel visible. She made me feel that way, when she kissed me. But as soon as she stopped, it was like I was invisible again.
