She came in with a hickey on her neck. It wasn't huge, but I always notice the little things with her. I want to believe she didn't see it, because if she did and knowingly walked in with that for me to see, that would make me speechless. And maybe she didn't see it. But even if I asked, I know she would lie, most likely to "protect" my feelings. That's cute.
Actually it's not. It would be degrading and honestly rude of her, but again, it isn't my place anymore. Nothing is. It's all by her rules anymore. I'm not sure what she is wanting from me half the time, And I am too in love with her to even ask, for I take what I get and and hope I don't anger her, because doing that means she will leave and be mad, and that... that means I am alone again. She already broke my heart, But it seems as though she forgets that. I fall into a funk or something that isn't invisible like the usual ones, and she doesn't get it. It's because I push my emotions away until they explode all at once. I hate feelings, and dealing with them lately has been harder than usual. I don't mean to end up here I just do. So I go as far as I can with this time bomb inside of me that is filled with anger and pain and sadness and stress and just black matter that fills my lungs up and no mater how many cigarettes I smoke it doesn't turn it back to the normal breath, it only makes it gray for a short time, which I take, because I can't be picky anymore with temporary help. even if it might be bad for me in the long run. Because, I don't think I'll make it that far. Who knows, I mean, I just have a "bad habit" to break now. Or maybe it will just get worse. Who knows, or cares. Because it certainly isn't me anymore.
