USUK Oneshots (Hetalia) [Completed]

Light At The End (Suggested Oneshot/Part Two of The Challenge)

(Author's Note: I apologize that this isn't on time (but then again, when is it ever), but a lot of unexpected friend drama came up yesterday, and I was unable to get to writing this. Either way, this was suggested by TheFStandsForFreedom on my last chapter. I definitely recommend you go read that first if you haven't, as the whole chapter will make more sense. Also, small note, the hyphens will be signifying a change in the stage of grief, so they work as a transitioning point. Rereading this, I feel like it's really repetitive and a different writing style than I'm used to, but I think that helps the point I was trying to cross, so I hope you enjoy!)

Arthur sat alone in the warm, breezy field he always went to with his boyfriend. Well, that was before... Before he left Arthur. Not broke up with him, not at all. He, without telling Arthur about his disease, had just gone and died. After his death, Arthur learned from his mother that he knew from the time he started dating him that he wasn't going to survive longer than a year, but wanted to have a fresh start where he could have the best end to his life, no strings attached. Now, he just sat in the field, thinking of how everything got to this point.

-

At first, he couldn't believe it. How could he have just... Died? It was impossible to even grasp. During that day he finally found out the hard truth, he tried to be social with his family but he found it so hard to even stand. To even breathe. To not just collapse and never get back up again.

It couldn't be true though. How could it have been? Alfred seemed perfectly healthy and fine and joyous until he left him on that very last day. But he just could not be gone. It wasn't possible. It had to all just be a bad dream.

But it was, and all Arthur was left with was doubts, questions, and denials of the truth.

-

Then, a few days after he got over The initial shock, Arthur couldn't believe it. Not that he didn't think it really was real, but he couldn't believe that it had been allowed to get to that point.

Arthur was mad. Furious. He was mad at everyone. Alfred for not telling him, Alfred's family for not doing anything or telling him, the doctors for not trying harder. But he was mostly mad at himself. Mad for not noticing, not doing something about the disease despite not knowing, not trying to make Alfred happier. Mad he fell in love with the idiot in the first place, mad he never failed his challenge and had more time with him.

He was angry at the world for this happening. With everyone who tried to say their condolences, with everyone who tried to help, he just pushed them away. He bursted out with anger at them, blaming for everything that had happened. He stayed that way for almost a month, uncontrollable rage overwhelming his life.

-

He began to slowly melt away from his anger however. He began looking to religion to help him. He was never a religious man, and never really thought twice about joining a faith, but soon he found himself looking to some sort of God for help. He began asking questions to anything. Just some sort of higher being and he prayed.

Just please let me have him back, just one more minute with him, just anything. I'm begging you please. I'd give anything just for... Something... Please...

He just wanted anything, and he'd give anything to get it, but he slowly began drifting away from others after about a few weeks.

-

He drifted away, and was left to himself. All alone, dark thoughts crept in. He fell to a deep depression that he couldn't seem to crawl out of. He thought of just ending everything so the pain could stop. He just wanted to be numb, and he shut him out of society. He didn't want to do anything, and for days at a time he didn't eat or move, and he just slept for hours upon hours. There were periods where he stayed up, unable to do anything but think of all his regrets. He didn't want life to continue, and for months and months he was stuck in his rut. Seemingly unable to get out of his ditch of life, he felt hopeless. Like nothing was worth it without Alfred.

But then there was a faint light showing at the end of the tunnel, and he slowly crawled to it. And then he made it.

-

Freedom. Though it took almost a year, he was free. He sat in the field he refused to go to before, and looked back at his journey. He realized that Alfred wouldn't have wanted him to be struggling like this. And he realized that despite going through a struggle, eventually everyone dies. Just some sooner than others.

He was able to climb out of his depression and was able to continue where he left off his life, but a changed man. He never would be the same, but maybe that wasn't so bad. He was now closer to his friends who knew Alfred, closer to both his family and Alfred's, and finally realized what it was truly like to really love someone so much it hurts, but he was able to set it aside. He knew he wouldn't be the same. Alfred changed him for the better and though the loss changed him for the worse, making him more reclusive, sensitive, and he lost a lot of his humor and some of his signature personality. But despite all this, he would never, ever forget about Alfred, and he doubted he ever would love someone the same way again, but he was finally free. Over his pain and suffering, despite it all being ready to spring, tightly loaded in the back of his brain.

He sighed, laying back in the tall grass of the field, pulling out a picture of he and Alfred. He laid the picture onto his chest, lightly holding it, and looking up the the slowly setting sun, Alfred's favorite part of the day. A small tear slid down his cheek. He may never get over him, but his heart would always be with him, and that was all that mattered.