cake, RVD & 13RW ✓

xxvi. clay jensen

No song, I'm having a Disney movie marathon, currwntly watching Wizards of Waverly Place: The Movie

clay jensen, for padwatt_writer_741 « 

    Clay and I sat on the swings at the playground. The place was abandoned, almost nobody came here, but we did.

"I remember that one time she threw a ball at Bryce's face, it was a perfect shot as well," I laughed along with Clay as we talked about Hannah.

"I miss her, Clay," I said, my voice shaking from not only the cold weather but just thinking about Hannah made me shiver, I didn't want to remember about what happened, none of us did, but it was so hard to forget when we were so close.

"We all miss her, she deserved everything," Clay sighed, "and we couldn't give her that." Then there was silence, the only sounds I could hear was the cold wind and the depressing creaks from the swings.

"I don't know if I want to move on, I don't know if I can," I place my feet hard on the ground to stop my swing from swinging.

"I don't know if I can either."

"Thank you for everything, Clay, I don't know how I could have survived without you," I turned to face him and smiled, he gave me a small smile and pushed his feet off the ground so he would be swinging slightly.

"I think we have what Hannah didn't." Clay said randomly.

"What?"

"We have each other, and I wish that I could have been there for her but I was so stupid but I've learned from my mistakes and will do anything to make you happy," he spoke quietly, almost in a whisper.

"Don't waste your time on me, Clay-"

"I'm trying to forget about Hannah, if my mind is on Hannah then maybe I'll make the same mistake with you as I did with her."

"Clay-"

"Grace, what would you do if I comitted suicide?"

I opened my mouth and closed it again with shock, "don't talk about that-"

"It's just a question, I won't do it, I know how much harm it would do to you and I don't want to hurt you anymore."

"I-I don't k-know what I'd do," I stammered, a tear fell from my eye and rolled from my cheek and landed on my hand.

"I just wish-"

"Clay!"

"-that I could find a way to-"

"Clay."

"-get her back-"

"Clay!"

"-I love you, Grace."

I stopped and slowly turned to him, his eyes were already on me.

"I'm trying to move on because of you, I don't want my memories of Hannah haunting me and ruining what we have."

"Clay, we don't have to move on-"

"But I want to, it's best that I forget about her," he sighed and dropped his gaze back to the ground.

"Clay, as much as we want to move on, we shouldn't."

"And why's that?"

"Hannah deserves to be remembered, that's why she made those tapes, she WANTS to be remembered, I don't want to forget our friendship and our memories, nobody that has died wants to be forgotten, even if they've done the worst things that anyone could possibly do in life, no one wants to be forgotten, Hannah doesn't want to be forgotten."

"So we shouldn't forget?"

"No matter how hard we try, she's always gonna be on our mind."

"Okay." He inhaled slowly, "so you're just gonna forget what I said earlier?"

"What did you say?"

"I-"

"Love you too, Clay."

____

a/n

This is very bad and I apologize but I'm currently sick and it's also my sister's 17th birthday today (the one who's boyfriend looks like brandon flynn lmao) i stayed up til 12 last night just to wake her up and piss her off by barging into her room while she was sleeping and singing happy birthday with her presents and shit.

But I woke up feeling horrible, my throat hurt and I rolled over once and my hip just started hurting and I stayed in that position for so long literally screaming because I was in so much pain, I just lay there like that waiting for the pain to go away

sincerely yours, liz