I lay in bed awake. I tried to sleep, I couldn't, not with pictures and scenes of Hannah committing suicide in my head. It was like a nightmare on replay twenty-four/seven, I didn't even have to be asleep to see in my head a picture of Hannah dying.
I had enough of it, I wanted to end it, but I was strong and didn't let any of the pain that came with Hannah's suicide get to me. I knew how it felt to lose someone I really cared about, I wasn't sure if a lot of people cared about me but I knew that some people did, and I didn't want to hurt anyone that cared about me by suicide.
I shook my blanket off my body, I was sweating, not because it was hot but because I was scared.
Then there was a little tap on my window. I ignored it and closed my eyes, but there was more tapping on the window.
I sighed and got up from my bed and opened the window and was greeted by a finger in my eye.
"OW!" I whisper-shouted, I stepped back from the window and looked out to find Clay staring at me apologetically.
"Chanel, I am so sorry-"
I shushed him and pulled him inside.
"What are you doing here?" I asked him.
"I uh- let's go on an adventure!" Clay said with his arms up in the air with fake enthusiasm, I raised my brow at him and he dropped his arms, "no? okay, but let's go on an adventure."
"What? No, it's like two am."
"Adventures at this time in the morning are the best kind of adventures, obviously you wouldn't know because you haven't even stepped out of your house since..." Clay stopped talking and looked at his feet.
"Is it cold out?"
Clay looked up confused.
"Is it cold outside? Do I need a jacket while we go on this adventure?" Clay nodded and I walked over to my wardrobe to get myself a random jacket.
"Okay, let's go!" I walked to my door, Clay pulled me back and shook his head.
"My-my Chanel, you really don't know how to sneak out," he clucked his tongue and pointed at the window, "we're gonna be spies!" Clay walked to the window and gestured me to follow, "I'll go first and I'll catch you if you fall-"
"No-no Hon, let me go first and let ME catch YOU when YOU fall," I pushed him gently out of the way and clambered out of the window successfully and threw a rock at Clay to say that it was his turn.
Seconds later, there was a loud thump in front of me.
"Oh shit," I laughed quietly, Clay groaned but managed to stand up. "Do you need me to carry you?"
"No, I'm good!" He said and held his hand out.
"What do you want me to do? Slap it?" I slapped his hand and he shook his head.
"I want you to hold it."
"Why would you want to hold my-Oh okay," Clay grabbed my hand and dragged me out of my driveway.
"So, where are we going?" I asked, struggling to keep up with Clay and his fast feet.
"To the playground."
"Okay, whoa!" I shouted Clay had gone from walking to jogging to literally running.
We reached the playground quickly and made our way to the swings.
"Push me!" I sad quietly because I didn't want to wake up the neighborhood.
"Why are so you quiet?"
"Because it's early in the morning and I'm-"
"FUUUUUUCK!" Clay screamed, I jumped off the swing and stared at him with shock, "what? Tony taught me to do it."
"Since when did you hang out with Tony?" I asked confused.
"Since..." he paused and looked away.
I got up from the ground and made my way back to the swing, Clay sat on the other one and we swung silently, a tear fell from my eye and I sniffed once getting Clay's attention.
"No, don't cry!" He said, turned and looked at him sadly, "the reason why I decided to take you out tonight was to take away your sadness, I have seeing you sad."
I wiped my tear and looked down at the ground and we were suddenly surrounded with silence.
Clay sighed and got up from his swing then stood in front of me.
"Come on, let me take you home," he reached his hand out for me to grab, but I didn't take it.
"No. I need more adventure."
"Where to?"
"I don't know, anywhere, I hate it here," I mumbled, Clay nodded with agreement.
"Okay, I guess we'll be back at six to sneak you back in again."
I smiled and got up from my swing.
"You know I can get in through the door, right?" I chuckled.
"No, we're ninjas, remember?"
"No, I remember us being spies, not ninjas but okay."
____
a/n
this is so shit but I really needed to update. I've kinda caught up with my classes now, but I have missed out on so much of my sports and exams are in like 1 week and a half so during that time updates may be even more delayed than they already are
