Poetic Justice

Can I love her?

Can you love me?
She asks, tears running down her
Ashen face.

For a second, I think about her
Question.
How can I love her when she is so
imperfect?
How can I love her when as much as
She tries to, she can never be enough?
How can I look her in the eyes,
Tell her I love her,
Whilst knowing the pain she caused
Me?
Whilst knowing the fear she installed
Into me?

How can I love someone,
Who lies about who she is?
She smiles and laughs,
But no one knows how she cries,
How she screams for help.

She has shown me her heart,
She has shown me her walls,
Yet I cannot accept her for who she is. Her eyes speak hurt,
Yet her heart speaks hate.

I want to scream at her,
I want to shake her,
Why can't she be true to herself for
Once?
Why can't she just be good enough
For once?

I want to tell her what I think of her,
I want to tell her how disappointing
She is.
I want to tell her that the world would
Be a better place without her.

But the thing is...
I have already told her...
Perhaps those tears in her eyes,
Are partially my fault.
Perhaps those scars on her heart,
Are due to my inconsiderate words.
Perhaps those bites on her tongue,
Are due to my judgmental glances.

She is fearful of trying to be herself...
She is fearful of trying to speak her
Own damn mind...
She is fearful of trying to try...

My fear is that if I do love her,
I will become just as weak, just as
Sensitive as she is.
That I will become as quiet and as
Desolate as her eyes are.

She tosses her hair,
She flashes a smile,
She makes a joke,
And she shares a dream,
But is that enough?
I ask myself.

Is the potential everyone says she has,
Truly enough?
Is her hearts desire, ever going to
Overcome her silenced soul?

Do I want to be there when she falls
To the ground?
Do I want to be there when she can't
Get back up again?
Do I want to be there when the anger In her heart,
Becomes the anger in her eyes?

Do I want to know that I can rely on,
Someone as unreliable as her?
How can I trust her, when she is one,
In front of the world,
But another in the corner of her Room?

As I look at her,
In the reflection of my mirror.
As the words that are supposed to be
Hers, leave my mouth,
The words, asking a simple question,
Can you love me?

My heart shudders,
And the feelings of failure come back
Again,
As I look at myself in the mirror,
The question looming in the air,
Can I love her?

The answer is as clear as the tears in
Her eyes, the tears in my eyes.
The answer is as clear as the broken
In her eyes, the broken in my eyes.
Can I love her?

As much as I want to,
Or rather as much I try to,
The answer to
Can you love me,
Is
No.

~n.s

(A/n: So... Wow... This poem is like so depressing... I know... But I think everyone feels like this about themselves I guess. And this is just me putting my feelings into words.)