Poetic Justice

Guilt-Free

I used to apologize,
All the time,
For who I was,
And why I was.

I would slouch,
With my hands stuffed in my pockets,
And I felt that my eyes,
Weren't worthy enough,
To meet the eyes of others.
So I would stare down at the ground,
The only thing I deserved to look at.

Most people have walls,
Built around their hearts,
Made of stone,
Or brick or clay.
My walls,
Were made of books.

The only place I wouldn't feel bad,
For being myself.

I would cast away tears,
Knowing that people are worse off,
Than I am.
I would bottle them up,
And throw them away.

My words ached to be listened to,
But I refused to open my mouth,
Because what if what came out,
Was more than I intended to?
What if people would listen,
And then Id falter to the ground?

So I'd feel guilty,
All the time,
For every step I took,
And every war I fought.

But then I came to realise,
That I have every right to hurt,
Because once you hurt,
You overcome.

I realised that if I looked people
Dead in the eye,
Their eyes would meet mine,
And together the two pairs of eyes,
Would come together to form a smile.

If I kept my head up,
I wouldn't have to care about tripping
Ever again.
I broke my wall of books,
And now those same books,
Lie at my bedside,
For me to read,
Rather than hide behind.

Now I smile,
Without feeling guilty.
Because I know I deserve happiness,
As much as the next person does.

Now I live a life of freedom,
A life without guilt.
Now I live a life with a smile pinned
On my face,
And completely free,
Of guilt,
That was never mine,
In the first place,
To possess.

                                 ~n.s