Becoming friends (uswnt)

I might be happy again

Peyton's POV

Tyler has her right arm around my shoulder. Her left hand is holding my right forearm close to her chest. My sleeve is rolled up a little bit, showing the bandages with a little bit of blood on them. I have my head buried in the crook of her neck. Her neck and the collar of her shirt are getting soaked with my tears. I'm pulled out of my thoughts by a gasp and someone speaking. However I don't look up.

"We're sorry about coming over here. Our friend had hit the ball. But are you two okay?" a familiar voice says.

Tyler doesn't say anything. I'm assuming for some reason she wants me to answer. I wipe my tears away real quick and pull my arm away from her. I look up and freeze. Standing in front of us are Allie Long and Ashlyn Harris who had asked the question. They stand there waiting for an answer.

"Umm y-yeah. We're fine" I stutter slightly.

"Are you sure. Is there anything that we can do to help?" Allie asks worried.

Tyler finally speaks up "yeah we're good. We just found out some pretty bad news that's all" she lied.

They both look at us not believing anything. Ash looks down at my right forearm and I notice I didn't roll my sleeve back down. So I do that real quick and sigh. I look back up at her and she has tears brimming her eyes. She runs her hands through her hair. She turns around to a group of people that I didn't even notice before. She makes a sign that I don't quite catch.

Allie picks the volleyball up and says "I'm gonna go back to the girls" then she whispers something to Ash, who just nods.

Ash sits on the other side of me. Tyler still has her arm wrapped around me. Holding me tighter than before.

Ash sighs "so what are your guys' names?"

"I'm Tyler and this is Peyton"

"Ok well I'm Ashlyn. You can call me Ash. Everyone does." There's silence between us until she speaks again. "Look I know you guys don't know who I am. But I know what it's like to feel like the world hates you. To feel like your drowning while everyone around you is okay. What it's like to hate yourself everyday. To not want to wake up ever again. Like nothing matters anymore. You want to give up but you're to scared to try. So the only thing you can do is hurt yourself on the outside. When you feel nothing at all. Self harm seems like the only solution. But it isn't. I may not know what's going on in your life. But I do know how you feel."

She looks at me with pain and understanding. What she said is exactly how I feel. I have tears in my eyes once again. She's so sweet. Tyler removes her arm from around me to wipe her own tears. I look away from Ash slowly and look out to the distance. The group of girls are sitting and talking I think. I know that Megan, Allie and Tobin are over there but I can't quite make out who the other one is. I'm pulled out of my thoughts by Ash speaking once again.

"So what really happened? Because I know it has to be something more than just bad news."

Tyler and I share a look. She wants me to talk to her. But how can I talk to Ash. I know a lot about her. She saved me before. She helped me find To Write Love On Her Arms. I don't know how to repay her for that. I don't know how to tell her about my parents. But mostly my dad.

I turn to look at the ground. Tears are starting to brim my eyes at the thought of opening up to Ashlyn. It terrifies me. I've only ever spoken to Tyler about my home life. She knows everything. I'm terrified to tell anyone else. I don't want to burden her.