Book Of Ha Ha

The Dangers Of Easy Money

Timothy was always a bright man. He always excelled in his studies, and so naturally when it came time to apply to colleges, he had his pick of the top ones in the nation.

Being able to go anywhere, Timothy chose to go to Harvard. He was accepted into their prelaw department as a social science major. However, Harvard was much more difficult than high school and Timothy was overconfident. It didn't take long before Timothy had flunked out due to laziness.

Downtrodden, Timothy began walking the streets around the college late at night, wondering what to do. He had spent so much money on just that first semester, and now he had no life plans. However, as he turned a corner and walked past an alley, he saw a mysterious door standing in the middle of the alleyway. It stood up on its own, and had a faint glow about it.

Curious, Timothy walked up to it, turned the handle, and opened it. To his amazement, there appeared to be a long hallway on the other side of the door! Timothy walked in, shutting the door behind him. He walked down the hallway and found three doors on the opposite end. Timothy chose the door on the left and opened it.

Inside this room were rows and rows of lit candles, and more importantly, a massive pile of cash at the opposite end of the room. Timothy was apprehensive at first, but he decided to himself "I need the money, and what's the worst that could happen?" So Timothy walked over and began filling his pockets with the hundred dollar bills laying around.

No sooner had he taken the first bill when candles began falling over, causing the floor to catch fire. Timothy quickly began stuffing as much money as he could into his pockets, his shirt, his pants, even his mouth. The fire quickly grew and Timothy had to sprint for the door. He barely made it out and slammed the door behind him. The fire somehow appeared to be contained by this, so Timothy left with his fortune.

As Timothy left the magical door back into the alleyway, he spotted none other than his best friend and one semester roommate, Mark. They hadn't known each other for long, but there was a certain special chemistry that let them become such strong friends.

"Tim?!", yelled Mark. "What happened to you?! You're loaded with cash but your eyebrows are singed and you look like you've got some first degree burns! And what's with that door?"

"Hey Mark!" replied Timothy. "You may not believe me, but this door takes you to a long hallway with three rooms. There's a lot of money in there free for the taking. Just be careful!"

Mark trusted his friend Timothy, so as Timothy walked away, Mark entered the door. He walked all the way down the hallway until he came upon the three doors. Being an avid marching band member, Mark started with his left foot and thus first came to the left door. He saw an orange glow and felt the handle was hot.

"Hmm," thought Mark, "this must be how Tim got burned. I better try another door."

Mark proceeded to the middle door. Upon entering, he found himself in a long hallway with an aquarium in the ceiling. At the end of the hallway was an open treasure chest filled with diamonds, emeralds, and rubies. Mark excitedly ran over and took out a diamond.

As soon as he did this, he heard a crack in the aquarium ceiling and saw one appear. He thought nothing of it though and took another jewel. This caused another crack to appear. Now scared, Mark hurriedly grabbed as many jewels as he could. This caused the aquarium to begin to shatter. Mark sprinted out as water and fish fell from the ceiling, and he barely made it out and shut the door behind him before the room completely flooded.

With his pockets filled with valuable jewels, Mark left the hallway and went back into the alley. No sooner had he entered the alleyway than he saw his crush, Marlene. Marlene was a one of a kind beauty. Long, flowing, raven hair with piercing green eyes and a smile that sent chills down your spine.

"What are you doing here?" sputtered Mark.

Marlene replied "I like to take walks late at night sometimes. The better question is what are you doing here Mark? And why are you soaking wet?"

Mark pulled out a diamond and explained to her the nature of the magic doorway. Marlene was intrigued to say the least, so she decided to enter.

She walked down the hallway and saw the three doors. She noticed the first door was glowing and felt heat coming from it, so she decided against it. She saw water leaking out from the middle door, and realizing it was likely the reason Mark was wet, also decided against it. Thus, she chose the rightmost door.

Upon entering, she found that she was in a dimly lit room filled with tombstones marked with many names. However, there also was a large sack of gold and platinum bars sitting at the end of the room. Nervously, Marlene walked up and picked up the bag. As soon as she did however, a tombstone sprouted from the ground in front of her, with her name on it!

The floor began to fall away in front of her, prompting her to sprint away with the sack slung over her shoulder. She nearly slipped and fell into the rapidly growing abyss beneath her, but she narrowly escaped and slammed the door shut behind her.

10 years later, each of those three people were in their separate homes. Timothy was in an enormous mansion secluded away in a mountain, when one day his house mysteriously caught fire, killing Timothy.

Mark had a beachside mansion in a gated community. He had long since moved on from Marlene and was happily married and had two adorable children. Sadly, one day there was a tsunami that reached his home. Strangely, nobody was killed in that tsunami other than Mark.

This left Marlene as the last living person who had taken from that home. She had a penthouse suite with multiple stories and her own personal butler and chef. Life was good, to say the least. One day, she heard a booming knock on her door. A knock that was inhumanly loud and strong. She got out of her bed and walked downstairs to check. As she approached the door, a second knock occurred, so strong that the door fell down entirely. On the other side was a floating casket.

The casket began floating towards Marlene. Terrified, she began trying to run away. Not thinking, she ran up to her room and locked the door to her bedroom. The casket simply knocked down that door too, trapping her. Desperate, she started throwing things at it. Pillows, books, her cell phone, anything she could get her hands on.

Finally she opened her nightstand drawer and threw its contents at the casket. Magically, this caused the casket to disappear! Marlene, shaken, called the police.

They promptly arrived and saw the devastation in her apartment. They asked her what happened, and she explained that a floating magic casket had attacked her, then disappear d when she threw her nightstand drawer at it.

One cop mocked her for even suggesting such an occurrence was possible, but the second motioned for the first to be quiet.

"Ma'am," he said, "you were lucky. This nightstand had NyQuil in it, and NyQuil makes the coffin go away."