Just Breathe - Adopted by Mandy Gonzalez - COMPLETED

33 - Fearless

April 9th 2018

Mom, Chris and I sat in the recording studio doing a run through of the final few songs for her album. After sharing the song 'life is sweet', as a duet with Chris, at Christmas, she immediately agreed to put it on the album. I was also doing a duet with her on Breathe. It was a more acoustic version as if it was a Nina from ten years later, and from 2008. I was young Nina and Mandy was the older Nina. Once we ran through them in person we got to record it. Mom and Chris went first. Hearing them sing it through my headphones, I began crying. It was beautiful. It was everything I imagined it to be when I first heard the demo track that Bill Sherman had sent to me. It was the same Benny and Nina that I fell in love with a year ago, just grown up. Watching their continued onstage chemistry as they sang from the two different booths, made my heart melt. The friendship and relationship my mom and Chris had was one of a kind and I knew no one would ever change that.

"Life is sweet." They ended. The track was cut and they both ran out into each other's arms and into a hug. I smiled and took a photo of them.

"It was beautiful. I was full on sobbing. It was amazing Mom, your two sound so perfect together Uncle Chris." Chris and Karen now spent so much time with me and our family they became our unofficial uncle and aunt.

"I'm glad you liked it Becky. Now go kick some ass and get yourself in that booth."

"I'm really about to record a song for the first time ever. This really has been a crazy year for me."

"You ready Becky?" Mandy takes my hand and squeezes it.

"Yep, lets do this Mom." I give her a hug and she kisses my forehead and we head into the two booths. I was excited to sing this song for two reasons, firstly, it was really the song that changed my life. I found a connection with it from being in an orphanage and having to be a failure to all the social worker because I didn't do well in classes except Theatre studies, Music and Design and Engineering. And secondly, we were singing it in a new style. It reflected both of us now. Me, again coming into her family and starting a career, worried about letting my new family down, mostly looking forward in life. And Mandy looking back on her past, how she got to where she was today. "Wow! This is amazing." I looked at all the equipment in awe then put the headphones on and had my music in front of me. "Okay I'm ready." The backing track starts and Mandy begins to sing the beginning.

"This is my street, I smile at the faces, I've known all my life, They regard me with pride."

I then sing the next part. "And everyone's sweet. They say, "You're going places!" So how can I say that while, I was away, I had so much to hide! Hey guys, it's me!"

"The biggest disappointment you know." We sang together.

"The kid couldn't hack it. She's back and she's walkin' real slow." I sang, with disappointment.

"Welcome home. Just breathe." Mandy did again, as if welcoming me into her home.

"Just breathe." We both sang, I stayed on the same note as Mandy climbed as she did I the original show. The next section was more confusing as lines were split between us.

"As the radio plays," I sing.

"Old forgotten boleros. I think of the days,"

"When this city was mine. I remember the praise."

"Ay, te adoro, te quiero" She smiled at me and sang it as if she was saying it to me as her child. "The neighborhood waved and said."

"Niña, be brave and you're gonna be fine." We sang together.

"And maybe it's me, But it all seems like lifetimes ago." I looked towards Chris.

"So what do I say to these faces that I used to know?"

"Hey, I'm home?" I shrug my shoulders as I sing. The next part we changed ever so slightly so that it was Nina singing to a child or Mandy singing to me in this case.

"Mira Hija."

"Hey..."

"No me preocupo por ella."

"They're not worried about me."

"Mira, alli esta nuestra estrella."

"They are all counting on me to succeed."

"ella sí da la talla."

"I am the one who made it out! The one who always made the grade, but maybe I should have just stayed home." I finished. The next part was sung as a reflection of Mandy's childhood, when she was my age. I began as I spent lots of my free time on the fire escape of the girls Home in the summer months. "When I was a child I stayed wide awake, climbed to the highest place, on every fire escape, restless to climb."

"I got every scholarship, saved every dollar, the first to go to college, how do I tell them why?" Mandy continued as she showed how she worked hard at that time in her life.

"I'm coming back home, with my eyes on the horizon, just me and the GWB, asking. Gee Chica, What'll you be?" We sang together gazing into one another's eyes.

"Straighten the spine." My mom began as if teaching me life skills.

"Smile for the neighbours."

"Everything's fine."

"Everything's cool." I nodded.

"The standard reply,"

"Lots of tests, lots of papers." We sang together.

"Smile, wave goodbye" I continued.

"And pray to the sky, oh God." We did together again.

"And what will my parents say? Can I go in there and say, "I know that I'm letting you down." I was now looking forward into a point when I was worried I wouldn't make it, where I did constant bad auditions and failed at being who I was meant to be.

"Mija."

"Just breathe." We ended together.

As soon as we finished the song I took then headphones off and ran into my moms open arms. "I did it mama."

"I know, I'm so proud of you. You sounded incredible."

"That you did Becky. That was phenomenal, and will sound amazing on the album." Chris came up and hugged me. We listened to the two tracks and did a little vocal adjustments but hardly anything was changed. We packed everything up and headed home. Mandy made dinner and as I had for the last month sat and ate without participating in the conversation happening. I was refusing to talk to my father as he still refused to accept that I'd found some love with Josh. When he apologised and accepted us, then I'd talk to him, but until then I was silent whenever he was around. After dinner I called Josh and we talked about the recording then I went to sleep.