Never Heard

10.

07th November 2017

Being alone makes you think about yourself a lot, and not in a selfish kind of way or maybe it does for you. I don't know what kind of a person you really are. I wish I did though, to know the reader behind the glass screen. Maybe I do?

It's the first time that both of my friends were absent and I had to be alone. To be completely honest with you I didn't really mind it since I like to be alone; I don't have to be aware of what I say or do, I can be myself.

I wanted to be a rebel and decided to bunk one of my classes just to sit in the library and read. The weather seemed suitable for it, it was really cloudy and cold. Typical fall weather. I entered the warmed up room and was immediately greeted with the scent of old pages and ink. I loved every bit of it.

There was one deserted table at the back of the room so I made my way towards it. Sitting down was the best thing in the world right now, I rested my back; the soft cushion embracing my skin and body. The library was hot, I began sweating instantly. Taking off my hoodie and beanie did the trick. The now faded blue hair rested on my chest and shoulders. If I just remained there I would definitely get caught so I made my way to grab some books and make it seem believable that I'm actually not bunking.

The first book that caught my attention was a book about Demonology. I personally was always interested in these kind of things. Dead languages, religions and all kind of spiritual things were my hobby. I know it sounds weird or creepy but it's actually pretty fascinating. Back in my old school people avoided me because they thought I was a satanist, which by the way! Is completely wrong. To be completely honest with you, I don't really believe in anything. I'm not an atheist but I'm just not religious.

I've been so caught up with the book that I didn't realize that I only had three minutes left till the bell rang again. I sighed and got up from my seat grabbing all my belongings and heading for the exit. As I was pulling my hoodie back on, I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. I adjusted my sleeves and beanie and pulled out the phone.

The screen lit up and said:

Adam🌺 is typing...
From Adam🌺

I smiled and unlocked it, the message said.

Adam🌺: where ya at?
Louise👽: I was in the LRC*

*LRC- Learning Reading Center

Adam🌺: why? Come see me now.
Louise👽: I was reading something and sure hold on.
Adam🌺: HOLDOING ON

*And that's how we got our catch phrase... "Holdoing on" became a fucking legacy. *

I pushed the library door open and stepped out and immediately! I could feel the cold wind crashing into my face. My hair flew back; I covered my face with one hand preventing any dirt coming into my eyes.

The field slowly began to get filled with students who were about to go home. After all it was the end of the school day. I walked forward, ignoring the stares I got from others. I know I may seem like an insensitive bitch but what others say or think about me does hit me hard. I hate being misjudged, like NO! I do not sell drugs or I'm not selling my ass on the streets and just because I'm wearing black all the time or my hair is dyed a crazy color, that doesn't make me a satanist nor an emo. People please mind your own fucking business!

I looked around for Adam and unfortunately couldn't find him since he was short and the field was now filled with students. After roaming in circles for the next 5 minuets, I made up my mind to sit down on the stairs and wait for him to come see me. It didn't take him long to be honest, after like 3 minuets I saw a silhouette sitting down next to me.

"What took you so long?" I asked, Adam chuckled " I was fighting Jay. That gay scumbag took my chemistry notes! HE DOESN'T EVEN TAKE CHEMISTRY!" He exclaimed and I laughed, " Did you get them back though?" " Yup!" He answered and pulled out a bunch of paper sheets from his bag, he swung them in the air a few times then stuffed them back into his bag.

The boy sighed and I leaned my head on the pillar that was next to me. " Why were you in the library? You ninth graders aren't supposed to be bunking." He said teasingly, " Piss off!" I snorted, "Anyway, I'm gonna bounce from this shit hole. Gotta catch a cab home." I added as I got up and grabbed my bag. Adam looked at me a little concerned but got up with me.

"Sure? Me and the guys are going to McDonalds, you can join us if you want." The boy offered, I took that thought in and reconsidered it. My head turned back to look at the group of guys that were currently teasing Jay about something. They were like 5 and including Adam that's 6 not to forget the fact that none of them know me except Jay and Adam. As much as I wanted to go to get to know his friends and spend time with Jay I had to decline. My 6th sense awakened and told me it's a bad idea. "Yeah, thanks for the offer though. Tell them I said hi." I commented; hugged him tightly and left the school grounds.

I walked through the parking lot and stopped by the edge of the road to wait for a cab. I leaned on a pole and pulled out my headphones. Listening to music while it's cloudy and windy is the best thing in the entire world, it makes you feel as if you're in the music video. You get to see the inner side of the people that pass you by as you merge their faces with the lyrics and get a completely new image.

I watched the cars and school buses drive pass me but unfortunately no cabs. I looked around and saw Adam walking with his friends, they weren't so far from me. I'm sure I could hear what they were talking about if I took off my headphones, I wasn't bothered though. I watched Jay walking with them, he seemed so excited and happy I couldn't help myself but smile. I definitely looked like a creepy stalker. At one point he turned his head and focused his gaze on me. Even though he wasn't right next to me I could feel he was looking at me. My heart skipped a beat and I turned away trying my best not to make it obvious that I was staring. I breathed in and breathed out; took another sneaky glance in their direction just to see that he was still looking and walking. Not for long though, only until another really tall and skinny dude pushed him forward and began laughing.

That was the time when I saw a cab driving my way. I shook my thoughts away and pulled out my hand for the taxi driver to see. To my luck he did and he pulled over, I got in, told him my address and sat back thinking again. That's when I began to get mixed thoughts about him perhaps maybe liking me back. However, I kept on having a flow of negativity telling me that there is no way that would ever happen.

'Just look at yourself. Who would want you?' They said. I tried not to listen but couldn't help it, the music didn't rescue me at all. It made it worse.

As soon as I got home; I said hi to my sister, went to my room, collapsed in my bed and cried.

I cried for a long time. The tears didn't seem like they would stop flowing anytime soon. I cried for what seemed like hours until I felt numb and I just laid there, not feeling anything. My brain felt empty and my body paralyzed.

I grabbed my shark plushie and hugged it tightly. The only thing that would ever understand me.