Never Heard

44.

12th May 2018

Do you sometimes get that feeling of anxiety as soon as you wake up, for no particular reason. You just wake up with a massive feeling of concern and worry. Its just me? Yeah? Alright then...

Today was the day when Adam invited me to go out with him again, I felt really nervous since deep down I knew why he wanted to see me. The constant feeling of anxiety as well as stress kept me curious though. Even though I knew what it was about, I just felt like making up more scenarios to keep me going. I do that a lot, I've already mentioned before that I absolutely hate being curious, but what makes it worse is my diverse imagination. I always think of the worst scenarios, unintentionally of course; it's not like I'm trying my best to feel like crap it's just how my brain works, I think realistically and most of the time I've been hurt so that's why.

Once I finally reached the cafe where Adam told me to meet with him; I felt relieved when I saw him. Maybe because all the stress that I was feeling at the moment was gone or maybe because he just made me feel comfortable. Either way I was happy to see him.

We sat by the wooden table with our drinks and I could sense that he was nervous. I'm good at these kind of things. He constantly kept on rubbing his hands together and his eyes did not leave the hazelnut colored surface of the table. I smiled to myself knowing what he wanted to tell me.

"So... what's up? You said you wanted to talk.." I started the conversation; acting completely dumb as it I didn't have plenty of chats with Jay about this day or as if I had no idea what was going on. Adam quickly glanced at me and took a sip of his drink. He cleared his throat and straightened his back, almost as if he was about to deliver me a speech. Instead he reached for his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper.

Not going to lie, I was really excited. I love receiving letters from people. If I would have to describe my inner persona it would be an old soul. I love everything that is old: old books, old furniture, ancient buildings, old fashion, old music etc. basically anything that is old school.

The paper was folded, it had a nice shade of light yellow... vintage, my favorite.

I gently touched the paper as soon as he slowly slid it across the table. My finger tips took a hold of the sheet of paper and unfolded it. I glanced up at Adam for a short while to see his facial expression. He had a small blush spread in his cheeks and his eyes were focused on mine. I turned my gaze back down and began reading the scribbled words written in blue ink.

Louise, I wrote this letter because if I would have to say this face to face my head or my heart would not allow me to express it. I love you. With every single cell in my body, my heart screams your name as it beats. It sounds cliche I know but there isn't any other way to put it. Lou,  I cannot stop thinking about you, I think about you everyday when I open my eyes and every night when I turn off the lights. I love you more than a friend. I know that you are not ready for anything yet but I promise you that I'll always be there to make you smile. I want to be yours and I want you to be mine.

-Adam

As I read through the scribbles I could not stop smiling. It touched me, deeply. I didn't know how to put it into words. I appreciated this boy so much and I was really happy that he was honest with me. Maybe I should listen to Jay and give him a chance, maybe I should throw myself under the bus just to make sure that it's not a dream and realize that somebody actually loves me.

I folded the paper and slid it in the front pocket of my denim jeans, my eyes did not leave Adam. "What are you doing?" He asked curiously, "treasuring it." I responded softly, he smiled and let his head fall back, "So I'm not getting it back?" "Nope." I added immediately as I took a sip of my drink. I didn't bother responding, I didn't have to. My smile and rosy cheeks said it all. The boy seemed relieved, his posture changed, he was more laid back and talkative now. Not to mention his smile, it was really cute. I felt his emotions and they lit a spark inside of me. I didn't know what it was, maybe just a sudden reaction or a sign. Didn't want to bother myself overthinking again. I was happy and Adam seemed happy as well. That's all that mattered to me at that point.