Never Heard

52.

19th July 2018

While Emily, Andrew, Robin and Bruce went to some bar, I was stuck at Andrews mansion with Jay. However, while he was calmly in Andrews bed- checking his phone I was puking my insides out because I just have no control over myself and I just drink whatever they'll give me. Unless it's whiskey but I won't go there telling that story because just from thinking about it I get gag reflexes and goosebumps.

After multiple retches and coughs I think Jay got fed up because I just herd him sigh loudly and yell "Fuck". He entered the bathroom and leaned against the door frame, crossed his arms and watched me, on my knees slouched over the toilet bowl. "Oh for fucks sake Louise, control your drinking, I know you're going through a rough time now but you can't just kill your organism because of that." The boy added, at some point after I was all red and and just 'dying' he kneeled next to me and began rubbing my back and held my hair back so it wouldn't get covered in vomit. Jay escorted my half conscious body out of the bathroom and dropped me on the soft cushion of the bed. My half closed eyes were focused on the blurry ceiling. I kind of backed up and rested on my elbows, Jay was currently walking around the room because he was on the call. Maybe that's why he just dropped me on the bed instead of doing it gently.

Once he finished talking, he looked pale; Jay slid his phone back in the pocket of his jeans and began rushing around the room collecting all my things that were scattered on the floor and eventually throwing them on my face. "Alright Louise. Pack your shit! Emily gave me a call, we gotta skedaddle the fuck outta here! The cops are coming!" I wasn't really sure what he wanted from me so I began folding my clothes instead- very slowly. While he was still running around panicking he got a glance at me which made him even more paranoid. He rushed towards me and snatched all the stuff from my hands and shoved it in my bag while helping me get up. Jay threw one of my arms over his neck and supported my body with his other hand to help me walk. Not to mention he also had to carry other things because I wasn't even responsive. I was like a vegetable.

As we walked outside of the house and went inside some 'foresty-looking' alley I kind of became moderately functional. I could walk on my own and I helped Jay carry some of the bags as we wondered through the park. Eventually, we found a place to sit down; it was a brick fence in front of somebody's house. I could just imagine this owners reaction, two drunk teenagers sitting on his property being loud. Not a good ending.

After we had a few funny convos, Jay looked at me and asked "Honestly though, why did you break up with Adam?" I looked forward trying to process if I should really tell him how I felt- if it was actually a good idea. 'Fuck it' I thought. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, once I reopened them I confidently stated, "Because, I realized that I have feelings for my best friend." Jay gasped and burst out laughing, "I FUCKING KNEW IT! YOU LIKE BRUCILLA?! OH MY DAYS! This is just precious." "STOP! its not funny!" I pushed him away, I felt embarrassed obviously. Its not an everyday thing where you tell your ex-crush that you're in love with their older brother.

I began thinking if it was actually a good idea to do that, I mean what if he would tell Bruce the truth. I would honestly just consider myself dead.

Not that I'm embarrassed of my own feelings but if you actually think about it; it is pretty bad. Bruce is my best friend, who's already in a relationship with another girl and yeah he might not want to be with her anymore, that doesn't really make things easier for me. I could not admit my feelings to him even if he did like me back which is highly unlikely. Once again, Bruce is my best friend, admitting my love to him would only put our friendship in jeopardy. I never want that to happen, he means way too much to me and I would not risk what we have for a stupid love fantasy of mine.Jay on the other hand tends to have a loud mouth but I entrusted him with my secret in hope that he would actually keep it and take it with him to the grave.