Never Heard

20.

31st December 2017

Here we are! Last day of December and a new beginning to my life. I'm actually excited, 2017 HONESTLY has been the worst year of my life. I'm not even kidding, so that's why I'm really looking forward to 2018. I'm gonna make sure that everything will be alright and I will get through this.

The 'BoOzErZ' (the name of our group) are going to celebrate New Years in the trap house. I'm really looking forward to it but once again I got that feeling that something will go wrong again. The same kind of feeling I got on 19th December. Louise! It's easy just don't drink too much, please don't get drunk!

If I wasn't gonna drink then I know that nothing would go wrong.

Bruce came over earlier today and we went to the trap house together with Emily to clean up and get everything ready for the big night. I took the shovel that he brought with him to clear the snow and I began digging a huge hole in the ground while they carried the abandoned furniture.

"What are you doing? Maybe you would be kind enough to help us out?" He asked while panting as he rested his elbows on the window pane that was missing the glass as he observed me, "What does it look like I'm doing asshole? I'm digging myself a grave." I answered sarcastically, he furrowed his brows and snorted, "Why would you do that?" Questioned Bruce, "I'm pretty much already dead but if I actually die tonight then just bury me right here. Besides, I have a feeling something bad is going to happen so I'm just getting ready." I replied as I continued to dig deeper. "Don't think about it, it will be okay, I promise" he added as he went back to moving the furniture with Emily.

I wanted to believe him but I'm always right about these kind of things. It's like a sixth sense, once I feel that something is gonna go wrong I'm always right and I know that I shouldn't he negative but I can't help it.

We finished cleaning up and we went our own separate ways. For the rest of the day I just sat in my room and contemplated about my life and my broken heart. It sucks I know but I have to go through it. The sun began setting as Emily and I began getting ready for the night. The sad part is that Vicky couldn't join us for tonight since she was spending it with her family in Poland.

Yeah I forgot to mention that she's Polish too, or maybe I did mention it but I'm just repeating myself since I'm too lazy to scroll up through all the bullshit that I wrote about my life. Some people may really hate it but if you made it this far to the story I really appreciate it and I will warn you, you are about to see even more of the wreckage that is my life in the further chapters.

We met and began to have fun. Loud music, cigarettes and A LOT of alcohol. Of course, I had to drink and can you please scroll up to the beginning of this chapter and look up what I said about getting drunk? If you're too lazy or too excited about what's going to happen next (which I highly doubt)

I said those exact words, "please don't get drunk!"

Yeah! That didn't happened...

I had few shots and like 4 beers and at the very beginning I was fine but the more dancing that we did the sooner it started to kick in. My vision began getting blurry and my coordination was low.

01st January 2018

As the clock hit 12 a.m. Bruce took out champagne as began spraying it on all of us. Since all of us were drunk, someone came up with the most moronic idea to go to some party that was happening nearby. We began walking and some guy that was with us in the trap house, I never got a chance to meet but apparently nobody liked him, he began grabbing my ass and trying to get an advantage of me since I was pretty wasted. I couldn't respond in the right way like slapping him so I started screaming and getting overwhelmed with emotion.

Suddenly, I found myself in some weird car with Joe and guys that I never met. They took us to the party and as soon as I got out I saw Kevin who was with us in the New Years and I told him everything that just happened. Out of nowhere my vision got even more blurry and I felt really dizzy, as if the entire weight of the world was on my shoulders. Everything in front of me went black, I couldn't see anything but I heard all the things that were said next to me. I felt my body fall and hit the hard ground.

Kevin immediately grabbed me and tried to carry me while screaming Bruce's and Emily's name. Jay and Daniel responded to the call and helped him in an instant. After a while Emily came and started questioning what happened. Kevin explained everything while carrying me together with Jay and Daniel.

I woke up after a short while and began crying and screaming at everybody. I was still drunk but mad at myself for causing such a scene. I hated myself for bringing too much attention to myself.

I found myself sitting on a bench with Bruce and Lee. I remember crying my eyes out, my heart was hurting. My soul was broken.

"I hate myself! I'm such a disappointment! I just should've slit my wrist when I had a chance to!" I screamed as I sobbed and whimpered. I hid my face in my hands and rocked back and forth.

Lee and Bruce tried to cheer me by complimenting and motivating me and I nodded but deep down I didn't agree with a single word that they said. I knew myself better than anybody in this world, and I showed everyone the side of me that comes out every night. The side of me that nobody has ever seen! The side of me that was hidden in the deepest parts of me so that it wouldn't come out but it did. It broke free and let out all the demons out of their cages.

I remember that Bruce commanded me to punch him in the shoulder as hard as I could so that I could take out my anger. The boy stood up and got ready for the hit. I took a step back and clenched my fist as I swung my arm and punched his bare shoulder. Bruce yelped in pain and I spinned around as I kicked his hip, he didn't expect it as he fell backwards on his back. I helped him up as I felt better. I slowly began to sober up and realize that I've ruined everybody's New Years. I'm such a fucking problem and I proved it tonight.

Their lives would be much better if I wasn't a part of it. I hate myself so much...