Never Heard

53.

27th July 2018

Sometimes people say that words are just meaningless thoughts that's are thrown out to the for the air to swallow it and forget it ever existed.

Sometimes words can hurt us; make us forget what it feels like to be happy or loved, just thrown into this dark pitch not being able to feel anything around or inside us.

However, sometimes words can make us feel like we're floating high in the atmosphere; weightless, just overwhelmed with love and happiness. Not caring about what's happening around us because those words keep on repeating in our heads like a broken CD.

I think it's amazing how literally simple phrases or sentences from the other human being can affect our entire mindset. How it can just jump from positive to negative.

I found myself in Robins studio once again. Not drunk, just tipsy. Enjoying the time I was spending with the people I cared about so much. Emily was there, along with Bruce and Andrew. I felt happy. Just relaxed. There isn't much to describe how exactly I felt but I know that it was at peace.

I stopped burying my mind with the thoughts of Adam and finally decided to focus on myself, well that's what I thought I was doing but yeah we all know what it feels like to be attracted to another person, all you can focus on is them meanwhile you think that you're actually doing something for yourself.

I took a sip of my beer and let the cold fizzy liquid run down my throat, my body shivered to its bitterness. I pulled the beer can away from my lips just to switch it up with a cigarette that I pressed against my mouth. The smoke disappeared into the darkness of the sky- swallowed up by the light of the stars that hung above me.

At that moment everybody just came outside to join me or maybe because they just wanted to smoke. They began having deep conversations about drugs and their effect, Robin told us a story about DMT that apparently his friend experienced. It didn't really differ from all the LSD stories I've heard but it's always interesting to listen to experiences like that, because everyone goes through it in a different way: some cry, some see things, some just sit quietly and not do anything, some laugh and some just some walk around the place completely out of their mind; touching and looking at everything not being able to shut up.

Personally, if I was to ever try DMT or LSD I would definitely be the type of person that won't stop talking. I'm already talkative when I'm comfortable. Imagine me just talking about every color tasting different. Insane.

After many laughters and plenty other conversations that were shared, my beer reached the bottom of the can. I sighed right after I took a last sip and made my way through the tiny room to the tiny kitchen. I grabbed myself another beer and right before I was going to go back to the balcony, I made up my mind to go pee first.

I think we all can agree on the 'Curse of Beer'. It's great, you can drink it slowly or quickly and you will get drunk in quarter the time you'd get drunk off of vodka with coke. However, every alcohol gets the dark side. Vodka with coke will make you throw up red chunks of whatever your stomach held, I know because the amount of times it happened to me and I began freaking out saying that I'm puking blood. Till this day I don't know what it was and to be honest I don't want to. Following by drinking a whole bottle of whiskey by yourself with apple juice, this drink from hell will make you forget your name and throw up all over your best friends bathroom and yourself then blame it on their cousin for them to eventually figure out that it was you. Leaving us with the good old regular beer, which won't make you throw up blood or anything like that but instead it'll be acid and foam, depending how you're drinking it. Oh and of course, let us not forget about going to the bathroom every 5 minutes because you have to urinate.

As I was peacefully excreting liquids from my body ( I know how gross that sounds ) my eyes wondered to the door just for me to realize that in the anticipation to pee I forgot to lock the door and of course some asshole had to walk in on my me time and disrupt me.

"Get up. I'm gonna piss myself." complained Bruce, his body slithering in through the crack he made with the door. 'You gotta be shitting me' I thought to myself and he stood in-front of me and complained more. Yeah, its not the first time we witness each other take a piss, Bruce and I have been through it a lot, he just turns around every time I gotta wipe. ( I don't know why I'm even sharing this, my apologies for giving you that image )

I tried my best to finish it quickly and once I was done he still didn't turn around so I said fuck it and I wiped in the most stealthy way possible. He only turned around as I began getting up and immediately pushed me aside and did his thing. I was washing my hands at the time and as embarrassed as I am to admit this, I kind of tried to get a peek of the 'GEAR' as he liked to call it. Sadly and maybe for the better I didn't see shit. Once I was done, I wiped my hands with a towel only to be turned around and hugged, thank god his pants were zipped 'cause that would've been awkward. Obviously, I hugged him back as my face got buried in his chest, only to realize that he didn't wash his hands which made me recklessly pushed him away. "Bitch, you didn't wash your hands and they've just been on your dick!" I exclaimed loudly, Bruce chuckled "I wash my dick everyday, trust me it's clean." he said, I still made him wash his hands though. Disgusting animal.

Once we walked out of the bathroom, we made our way to the now empty balcony; I had to grab myself another beer because some asshole had to take the one I took out before. Bruce and I stepped on the tile covered platform and just leaned on the railing only millimeters apart from each other. The boy turned around and grabbed a pack of cigarettes Emily left behind just to come back to me and offer me one. I happily took one and he lit it up for me. We stood there-silent. Just enjoying each others company, we didn't need to talk. We just knew what was going on and in my mind it was the most beautiful thing in the entire world.

At some point, as Bruce was exhaling his tobacco and nicotine filled cloud; he sighed and looked down at the street. "Whats up?" I asked curiously. He remained silent for a couple seconds but replied eventually. "I'm going to really miss you..." he added. That was when it hit me. I forgot that both Bruce and Jay were going back to their country for two months, I kind of got sad as I remembered that he won't be here much longer but at the same time I smiled to myself knowing that I actually mean a lot to him. Maybe not in any romantic way which I didn't really care about but the fact that what I mean to him is exactly what he means to me. "I'll miss you too." I replied and leaned my head on his shoulder as the two of us continued to look forward at the busy city around us.