Never Heard

41.

06th May 2018

Ever since Isaiah left life and my days has just gotten longer, I just felt like there's a part of me missing. I sent him daily updates though, like I would write a whole story on my notes and just send it to him once my day was over, it's sort of weird since I could just call him or send him a voice note but I felt like making it more 'not cliche'.

"Why don't you just break up with him?" I asked Emily as I sat in her chair, listening to her weeping about yet another fight she had with Andrew. Emily was the type of girl to fall in love quickly and like I mentioned before most of the time the guys she gave her heart to were not worthy of it. This was another example. Most of their fights were based on things that were childish like not spending time together or not talking to each other and honestly speaking, they were not kids anymore to continue acting that way. It always got me worried.

"Because I love him so much Lou, he helped me through so much and he's always there for me. I just don't understand what am I doing wrong?" She wiped her nose, I spun in her leather covered chair from IKEA as I looked at the ceiling trying to process the information she's giving me and at the same time think of something helpful to say. "You're not doing anything wrong man, he's just being immature about everything. Like, he just expects too much from you and I think that you should tell him that. " I replied, the girl looked at me with her puffy red eyes. "Can I hug you?" She asked, "Okay, that's a dumb question but yeah sure." I said as I got up and sat next to her on the bed. She came towards me and hid her face in my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around her and caressed her back. Her warm tears and breath crashed on my shoulders as I looked at the wall in front of me and thought...

"Is this what love ACTUALLY does to you?"

I pulled away and wiped her tears with my fingertips, " Should I beat him up?" I asked mockingly, Emily chuckled and looked down letting her long brown hair cover her face. She glanced at me with her piercing green eyes and sighed. "No it's okay. I'll have to talk to him though." She added as she got up and started getting ready, it wasn't anything new to me since I was kind of used to her just leaving to see her boyfriend and solve things and to be honest I didn't mind it since I had other plans so as soon as she left I just got back to minding my own business and by that I meant laying down on my floor; looking at my ceiling- thinking.

Yeah, I do realize that it sounds depressing as hell but if you think about it, for a 16 year old girl I've been through a lot and it just helped me to get my shit together.

I was there on the floor for like 30 minutes until my back started aching and I realized that it's not really a comfortable place to lay down. So I got up and jumped on my bed. I grabbed my phone and just scrolled through Pinterest like I always did when I was bored. Suddenly my phone vibrated and Bruce's name popped up on my screen.

B- Yo! I'm gonna go to the shopping center tonight to pay some bills and just do some shopping. Come with?

L- Yeah sounds good, should I just meet you there or stop by yours?

B- You can pass by, we will go together.

L- Alrighty then see ya ❤️

B- Peace ✌🏻

Well that was good, at least I had a plan for the evening.

I loved those little hang out with Bruce, it was the time where we just spoke about everything and he would rant about his girlfriend and I would rant about my problems and we just generally had fun. From pushing each other around to just embarrassing each other in public.

"So how are you holding up?" He asked as we walked next to each other on the pavement, I let out a sigh and looked down at my broken and dirty adidas superstars. "I don't know Bruce, I wish I could tell you that I'm fine but to be honest I don't even know how I'm feeling. There's the whole Jay part piling up and the fact that Isai is not here anymore- I just don't know. I guess I'm okay but at the same time I'm not and it's just a constant loop of emotions." I answered. I could sense his eyes on me, "I hear you, I hear you. Don't let it get to you though, you're stronger than this. You need to rise above it. Jay has his own world and you shouldn't be bothered by him." He finished and felt the back pocket of his black jeans. Bruce pulled out his phone, "Speak of the devil..." he added and answered his phone, "Aloo, Jay..."

I continued to look forward until I saw a bird fly above us. My eyes followed it as it flew higher to the cloudy pink and yellow sky. It looked so free and happy, letting out a tiny chirp.

"Yeah so..." mumbled out Bruce, "Jay is gonna join us because he wants to buy some clothes, you cool with that?" He asked, "I mean to be honest I can't really say no because what difference would it make? Let him come." I added and glanced at the 6'4 tall boy. "Cool cool" he added and we continued walking.

Few cars passed us by until we reached the shopping center, their headlights were switched on and illuminated us. It was starting to get a bit cold so we hurried inside and got straight to our or more like his business- from bill paying to sending money to just messing around in carrefour.

Jay joined us soon after that, we walked around with him and I tried my best not to act awkward or rude and it actually went well. I felt like he forgot about all that happened or he just decided to ignore it. It was as if it never took place. Even Bruce was surprised.

After our little shopping spree we sat outside of the mall and smoked. It was dark already and since I wanted to talk to Bruce about today's events I looked at him and asked, "Walk me home?" The boy exhaled a cloud of smoke and chuckled, "Oh hell nah! You're a big girl you can walk alone" "Please?" I begged him, at that moment I felt Jay looking at me so I let my eyes wander to the ground. "I'll walk you home Louise." Stated Jay, my head snapped as I turned to Bruce only to receive raised eyebrows and a frown. He nudged my leg with his knee so I could answer Jay. "Uh yeah sure, are you cool with that though?" I asked politely, "If I wasn't fine with it I wouldn't offer it." The boy replied. I looked at Bruce once again as if I was waiting for approval but got nothing so I got up and Jay followed. Bruce threw his cigarette butt on the pavement and stood up shortly after us. I went for a hug goodbye and got locked up in his arms "Ciao Bella!" He said and let go of me, "My name isn't Bella, dickhead" I chuckled and smiled at him. We parted ways as I went with Jay and Bruce went home.

We walked under the street lights that illuminated the road in front of us. The chilly wind embraced our bodies as we continued to move forward. I was scared to say anything so I was waiting for him to say something.

"So how are you Louise?" He asked, "For the last time call me Lou" I giggled, "But yeah I'm okay, how about you?" My words came out shakily as I stuttered a little bit. " I'm fockin splendid mate!" The boy answered in that weird accent he pulls up whenever he tries to talk to me. "I'm actually really excited because Adam and I are going to be releasing an album together soon so I can't wait for that. You know what it's going to be called?" He paused for a second, "Story time... and I feel that it's dope!" Exclaimed Jay, I observed him carefully as the boys face slowly lit up as he continued to talk about it. "That's great Jay! I hope it works out. I'm getting free tickets to your concerts though.." I replied, "We'll see" he laughed.

The closer we have gotten to my house the shorter our conversation got, I guess it was because we ran out of topics or just simply because I felt a little awkward.

Once we reached my gate we stood in front of each other and just looked in each other's eyes.

"So bye I guess. Thank you for walking me home." I said softly, Jay smiled and went in for a hug. I hugged him gently and the boy squeezed me tightly, "Take care Lou." He replied as he released me. The boy then left in the direction of his house and disappeared out of my sight.

As I walked upstairs I got a text from Bruce.

B- did you guys talk?

L- yeah, it was actually nice. Kinda awkward to be honest...

B- I feel you, it's progress though. Glad it went well.

L- Yup... Imma eat and make my usual cup of tea now so get lost. I'll text you tomorrow ❤️

B- Hahah alright, enjoy 💜