Never Heard

23.

Warning ⚠️ Graphic suicide explanation... skip this chapter if you're easily triggered by that sort of content.

23rd January 2018

I had a dream tonight.I've never had a dream that seemed so real.

It was basically a typical day of my life:
1. School
2. Meeting and having fun with my friends
3. Coming back home

And as I was home I was in my room just lying in my bed while listening to music and thinking about everything. Until something in me snapped; I picked up my razor and went to the bathroom and began slitting my wrist. I don't usually do that and especially not in a place that would kill me but I felt like something was controlling me.

The cut was too deep. I cut my artery and the blood began pouring all over my arm. My hand and body began shaking and I couldn't feel my legs anymore. As time passed by the pain vanished and everything that was surrounding me started to fade away into the darkness.

Suddenly, I felt alive again. I was looking at my corpse through another persons point of view. I saw my sister barge in through the door. She started screaming and crying. My parents heard her calls and came running upstairs.

My mom collapsed next to my body and tried to stop the bleeding. My dad was calling the ambulance while my sister was kneeling on the floor with tears in her eyes.

I only stood there next to everyone, watching them cry and call my name.

Once the ambulance came, they took me to the hospital still trying to bring me back. Only after hours in the hospital the doctors said that they couldn't do anything, it was too late.

My family started tearing up, my mom didn't know what to do she hugged Emily tightly as she yelled out my name.

The worst part about all of this is that I was standing right there, but they couldn't see me. I wanted to tell them I was there but it didn't work. I could only watch them suffer.

All of them, my friends, family. It really hit them hard. I've never seen so much sadness in so many people.

That was when everything skipped to my funeral. It was happening in a church and all the seats were occupied by the people that knew me. I was standing at the back watching the whole ceremony. At that moment Isaiah and Jane got up and walked towards the coffin. Isaiah had a piece of paper in his hand and tried to hold back his tears. Both of them stood in front of the microphone and Isaiah began reading from his paper.

'You would always say how much you hated yourself for who you are and how you look, and we always tried our best to deny it and tell you otherwise because it was true. Lou, you were my world. Our world in fact. You were the type of person that you should have in your life, just being with you felt nice and comfortable, even if we wouldn't talk. You appreciated the silence and the presence of the one you were with. Louise, you were so beautiful. The most beautiful girl I knew, you didn't need nice clothes or make up. You were gorgeous from both the outside and the inside.

When I heard about what happened, I was really hoping that at all that time it wasn't real.

Somebody comes into the world and they're not here for that long and they have to go through so much suffering. You get to experience and love and appreciate this person and then they're taken away from you so fast...

Louise, you were that person. I will never forget you, your laugh, your eyes and most importantly I will never forget how you taught me how to appreciate the details about everything.'

He turned around and looked at my body in the coffin.

'Even when dead, you're still as beautiful as always. I loved you so much. We all did, wherever you are right now I hope you found peace.'

And I woke up.

I'm never going to try to take my own life again. I was traumatized...