Never Heard

47.

14th June 2018

"I had a thought..." Jay said as we played on one of the work out machines in the park where the group usually meets. "Oh no" I answered; chuckling nervously. "I SWEAR it's a good one this time." He added as he began dangling upside down on a metal rod.

"I'm scared" I laughed and copied what he was doing. "Man! Why you gotta say that, lemme finish" the boy complained, "Okay okay, go on"

"Well Louise-" "don't call me that.." "STOP INTERRUPTING ME!" "Okay sorry..." "As I was saying, I wanna pursue my music career. Like, I actually wanna do something towards it, make my own songs and all that shii, you get me?" He finished, I dropped down from the rod and rested my elbows on top of it while looking at him crawl his way up to sit on it. "I mean yeah that actually sounds great, but how are you going to do that though. You're basically done with high school and you're not planning on going to college so what exactly are you gonna do about it?" I asked, Jay looked up at the night sky and fell silent for a few seconds. "Honestly saying? I don't think I need a degree to become a musician, I can achieve it on my own. If I work hard enough and if I keep a positive mind about it then anything will be possible; do not forget Lou. The universe-" " 'always says yes' yes I know that, you and your brother always lecture me about it." I replied mockingly, "But dont you think that it's going to be difficult, I mean there are a lot of musicians out there. What makes you think that you're going to achieve whatever you strive for?" "See Louise, this is the difference between me and you; I always have a positive mindset about things, while you ALWAYS worry about this and that and ask yourself 'what if' but that's not the whole point of living your dream, the point of living your dream starts within you. If you really believe that you'll succeed then the 'universe will say yes' to it. However, you can't just hope for the universe to do the entire job, you gotta work hard, otherwise nothing will happen. You feel me?" He finished. Oh how I loved those nonstop lectures about positivity and 'living in the moment' I get it yeah I overthink stuff- it's because I'm a realist, I don't believe in luck. We make our own luck.

"Jesteśmy kowalami własnego losu..."

As my granddad always said which translates to

"We are in charge of our own destiny..."

I do think it's true, I don't really believe that if I get up everyday and say 'it's going to be a great day' 10x out loud will make my day any better, I don't know what adventure awaits me everyday. However, what I do know and believe is that I'm grateful for waking up healthy everyday, smiling at myself in the mirror is also important everyday to keep your mind off of the negative things that surround you. Not some abracadabra 'universe says yes' myth. Everyone has their own way of going through the day though, don't get me wrong. I'm not mocking or disrespecting anyone's beliefs. In my mind we're all individuals who see the world in a different perspective.

What I find so fascinating though, is how Jay and Bruce always find the good in a situation. This is something I truly admire about them. They don't waste time asking 'what if' they live... Aspiring to make everyone happy. They don't fear the consequence. 'Everything happens for a reason' they always say.

People like to say that opposites attract, like magnets. The positive attracts the negative. I feel like that is the reason the three of us get along so well. We fulfill each other. They bring the positivity and hopes in my life and I bring logic and reality. Beautiful.

The more Jay and I spoke about life and shared our own views and opinions on things, he began to sulk a little bit. Opening up- I would rather say.

"It must feel really lonely sometimes, not having your dad or your eldest brother around..." I added, "you know Lou, if my dad really wanted to help me, my mom, Bruce and Albert out he would. He's trying though, trying to find a Job and everything but the problem with him is that he gives up really quickly, if something doesn't work for him in the speed that he wants it to go he quits. Albert though, he's already an adult. He lives alone with his girlfriend, he works. He's happy. I do miss him a lot sometimes." Jay continued.

"However, there are times where I feel empty you know?" The boy added as he began swinging his legs. "As if there's something missing, but I don't focus on that. I do my best not to. Positivity is key. I am anxious about my future a bit though, I mean I don't know what it is yet but I am certain it has something to do with music. You know when you get that tingle? The one where you know something is going to happen?" "Don't even start about the tingles, I know exactly what you're talking about." I replied.

"Yeah exactly! So that's why I know that I will succeed in what I want to do, but what about you Louise?" He asked, "well, I've always dreamed to write a book about my life and make a movie out of it... a live action or an animated movie. I wanna draw for Disney Jay. I want the world to know my story. I already thought about the book though. I even figured out the name for my character." I said enthusiastically, Jay smiled at me "oh really? What is it?" He asked, "her name is going to be Maria, but she's gonna hate it so she'll tell everyone to call her Mary instead." I answered, "Haha! So just like you now, your name is Louise but you hate it so you tell everyone to call you Lou." "Yes exactly! You're definitely gonna be in the book as well, I want your name to relate to the birch trees"

"What the fuck?! Why birch trees?" He laughed, "because they're tall and peaceful, and I love those trees." I happily added. "In fact! Everyone is going to be in there! Bruce, Emily, Vicky, Joe, Greg, Noah, Alex, Mike, Jane, Isaiah, Adam, the other Adam, Max, Chris, Daniel... everyone! It's going to be my story Jay... my point of view." "Woah! That's a lot of characters, how are you going to fit all of them?" The boy questioned me, "well it won't be easy... I never said it's going to be short, it'll take time. But yeah... I see it being published and people reading it and finally understanding me." I sighed as I closed my eyes and smiled.

"It's going to be great..." I finished