New Struggles

Mom

Listen, I love you.
But the things you say to me,
You put me down constantly.
Intentional or not it still hurts.
The other day I found a dress for prom,
I love it.
I put it on for you and you said that it was ugly.
That a girl "like me" shouldn't wear it.
What does that mean?
When I told you I lost my virginity,
You called me a whore.
You made remarks all the time.
Saying guys only talked to me because they think I'm easy.
I had sex ONE time and I'm a whore?
You told me to get out multiple times,
But when I go to leave you threaten me.
Do you even care anymore?
Do you love me?
I just wish it was easy to live with you.
You and dad constantly fighting, don't you think that's hard on me too?
You doubt every relationship I get into. Saying they are probably cheating, saying they don't actually like me.
When I told you my boyfriend was going to Miami you said "he's gonna be around a bunch of girls in bikinis and not even be thinking about you."
You remember that?
I tell you I hate my father,
You tell me to quit arguing with him.
Why? I'm just sticking up for myself.
I tell him that it's too late to be a father. That's facts.
He had 18 fucking years and now he wants to be a dad? Fuck no. He had the chance he blew it.
I don't know who that man is, and honestly I can see it in your eyes you want out too.
All the times he's threatened to kill us, the times he's kicked us out of the house so we had to stay at mama's. Remember that? Those nights I stayed up all night crying wishing we could just have a happy family again.
The nights you'd slept on the couch,
Seems like that's every night now.
I can tell you cry all the time.
Your eyes red and cheeks puffy from crying.
The times I heard you crying in the shower, that breaks my heart.
I hope I never have to be with a man like my so called father.
I hope one day you'll wake up and realize you deserve better.
Your own mother hates him, she's told me.
Even though she told me she shouldn't have, my father has done so many horrible things to you, but you stay.
Stay for what? Because of me and my brother?
We both hate him too. We rather move out and get an apartment just the 3 of us.
We told you this, so many times.

Listen, mom I mean this.
I love you to death, I care so much about you.
But you need to stop trying to make me out to be the bad child. You put my brother on a pedestal. He can't do anything wrong in your eyes. But anything I do is wrong.

For me, please just try to see me for who I am, Im not such a bad kid. I try to do things for you. I tried to be nice to dad but it's impossible to.

I hope one day you'll read this

Sincerely, your daughter