New Struggles

Anonymous

Dear anonymous,

I wish you knew why everything went down. No, it's not your fault. No it's not because I didn't love you. It's because it wasn't right. Everything thay happened in the past wasn't all there anymore. Most of it was, the connection, the friendship, the smiles and laughs. But the pure emotion of spending forever with you wasn't. It was there day one when we started taking. After about 1825 days it was gone. Somewhere around day 1586. No it wasn't because I was hurt. It was lack of talking, lack of laughs and opening up to you. I didn't tell you anything anymore. Not because I didn't trust you, not because I hated you. But because I felt it wasn't my place to talk about myself anymore. I was there for you, I didn't need anyone to listen anymore. You always wanted to help, to listen. I needed to get though my problems on my own, I got myself where I needed to be eventually. Well, I'm still not there. I'm getting there though. No I didn't chose him over you because it was karma or revenge. It just happened. It wasn't to stab at you, or make you think that it was meant to happen to hurt you further. I had no idea I would be in the spot I am right now.
I don't know how you feel about who I'm with. But I want you to know, I am happy. I'm not getting abused, hurt, or treated like a toy. I'm getting treated right. That's what you always wanted. Even though you wanted to be the one who treated me like a queen. He does. He puts me first. Makes sure I'm okay and not going through any sad motions. Keeps my mind busy when I crave anything bad for me. He sticks up for me and doesn't let any one disrespect me. This is not a story about him though.
Its about us.
About what we were and what we are now.
We were stupid kids in love.
Now we've grown up and accepted the fact that we won't be us anymore.
Im not sure you have accepted that. The way you write, it makes me feel like the bad person. I didn't mean to hurt you like you didn't mean to hurt me with getting with her. Everytime you got back with her, I supported it because you were happy with the decision you made at that point of time. You might regret it now. But we all have regrets.
I regret saying I loved you after a month.
I regret dropping you out of my life a million times.
I regret waiting almost 2000 days to meet you.
I regret,
A lot of things.
But
I do not regret you.
I do not regret what I felt when I saw you.
I do not regret anything I've ever spoken to you about.
What I said to you. It was all truth.

Only thing I wonder right now, is if you wonder.
I just really need peace in my mind, writing these letters, not proving anything it seems.

Now it's time to move on with our lives, sencerly a letter I never thought I'd write.

Kindest regards