New Struggles

5am

Currently it's 5am, and I'm thinking of you.
Wondering what it would be like if we took that chance.
Took the chance to try, try to be who we wanted.
Be the two who were never not together.
But, life isn't that easy.
I thought you were the one, but I have someone else in my life.
Someone who doesn't have a Lotta love for me.
He wants to be there when he wants to, I need someone to care to show me everyday they are there.
Someone I can call at 5am, at 3am just to tell them I love them. Or tell them I need them..
The first time I told you I loved you, I meant it.
The first time he told me he loved me, he loved my body not my soul
You never even knew, I was trapped. Trapped in the visions of living happy with you.
While you, you didn't know how deep I felt for you.
The times you had her in your arms, it wasn't me.
I regreted the chances I didn't take, but I didn't have time to take them..
All I needed was time, I was so heart broken that night. I hate bringing that up.
But you gave me a night to fix that. A night full of laughter and constant smiles.
That's all I needed to know, know that I was in love with you.
The feelings I thought were gone, well not gone but not as strong as the beginning.
But you walked up and we instantly clicked, something I never expected.
Everyone saying I have their approval, saying you were made for me.
But, how do they know?
They instantly hate on the guy I'm with and say to dump him..
But, maybe he's just going through something. I don't want this time with him to be wasted. 5 months. It's such a short amount of time to some, to me it was forever. I know his family, his mom. Oh my God his mom, I love her as if she was my mother.
Leaving him, easy.
Leaving his mother,
Leaving his dad,
Leaving his friends,
Leaving his grandmother,
Leaving the memories,
Leaving the pets,
It's not so easy.
But, he's never met anyone from my family. I keep that away from him. I only brought one guy home. Well now 2.
I just met him and he met family, and I swear they talked for an hour about random shit. I never thought I would have someone meet my grandpa, yeah so not a big thing. But for me it's huge. Especially because they are the people who's approval who mean the most to me. And honestly he got it from my grandpa.
No I'm not gonna waste my time.
But am I right now?
Am I with the wrong one?
How do I know?
Because 2 months ago I thought I was with the one.
Now I'm second guessing.
I've been second guessing.
It doesn't feel the same,
I love you doesn't feel right.
The kisses, aren't like they used to be.
The hugs aren't as tight
Do you even care?
Show me, show me how much you care.
You've seen me near tears and didn't even notice.
I tell you about my writing, ask you to read it tell me what you think.
You skim through it and say it's alright.
I want your feedback, tell me what sounds wrong.
Tell me when my grammar is shit
When I use the wrong "there"
Fuck I just want you to be who you were.
Who you were in the beginning.