New Struggles

Blocked

Sometimes I wonder what I really did. Yeah I didn't come over as often, I didn't text every day. But I never thought it would come down to this. You told me the last day you worked with me you were rooting for me and hoped I'd get everything I ever wanted in life especially happiness. But the fact you told a coworker you only wanted to transfer stores to 'get away from me' hurt like a bitch. I told you I had my own things going on. Dealing with my grandpas health declining and struggling helping my brother pay bills. Saying that you didn't wanna be around me because it reminded you of a friendship that failed. But I didn't even know it did. You were mad for the things going on at work but never spoke up to me about those things. How was I supposed to fix my wrongs if you didn't tell me what was going on. I went to send you a snap today because i was fucking my hair up for the 1000th time. Just to see I was Unadded. So I got curious went to Facebook to see I was blocked. Am I that horrible? Yeah I made mistakes in life but I thought you out of anyone would have stuck around through thick and thin. You said you would. I know I'm not an easy person to understand. I distance myself from people when I get down. You use the excuse that I'm with my ex or talking to him ect. But you don't know shit about what's going on. I tell you I'm not with him and you think I'm lying. Check my damn phone check anything. I just feel like our friendship never meant anything. It wasn't always me. I texted you multiple times and we'd chat for a few messages and you'd stop responding. How is that my fault we didn't talk? You never asked to hang out like you used to. It's all a two way street. No I'm not the victim here but neither are you. Friendship isnt defined by being together 24/7 or talking and texting all day. It's defined by the care and love for one another even if we go weeks without communicating. Because deep down we know if we needed each other the other would jump if that's what the other needed. But from the bottom of my heart I do love you. Probly more than I thought I could ever love another human being. You got me. A soulmate isn't always a lover sometimes it's the person you thought was your best friend. But I guess it is true friends can break your heart too and it's always worse than a significant other. Wish shit was different but it seems you had your cards laid out before I could even pick mine up. I hope you're happy from the bottom of my heart. I love you Shan. I would text you but I'm probly blocked on that too. So just know I'm rooting for you too and I hope your relationship gets better and everything falls into place and you become an amazing mother. Just like I always knew you would. Follow your heart and don't accept anything less than perfect.