New Struggles

One room.

One room.
But so many memories. 
It's been almost a year since i stepped into that room.
I walked through the door as the henges screeched.
The bed, the walls all just absorbing me. Nothing moved or changed. Just how it was left a year ago. All the emotions good and bad. All the days playing in my mind. The days where I cried so hard I couldn't breathe and the days where I couldn't stop laughing. The place I fell in love with you. The same place where you took her. The same place you laid her down and cheated on me. You'd never get how I feel when I walk in that room. The moment I felt that atmosphere I started shaking. We lay down and you try to hold me. I throw your hand off and you get mad. I start crying as you yell at me. Asking me why I act so different in this room, your room. I explain it over and over and you say I just can't get over the past.
I can't help it. My mind directly goes to that day. The day I found out someone I feel deeply in love with betrayed me.  Not my worst moment, but one of the them. Why can't I get over it? You ask me everyday. It's not like you were the first one to cheat. But I guess you were the first one that I fell for with my whole heart that did. Not like that was the only time either. Time after time you did it. But now you changed, you really did. I do trust you now but still that presence in that room. Chills anytime I walk in. Wishing you'd understand it plays in my head all the time. I was just the second option. Now you say it never was like that. But I still feel that way. You say I got the ring but a ring doesn't symbolize love. Actions do.
It has gotten better. A lot better but some days I just feel in the dumps and when I tell you sometimes you don't get it and get mad. You say I make you feel like a piece of shit a lot but you made me feel like I wasn't good enough.
Good enough to be the only one.
Good enough to make you happy.
All the girls you cheated on me with,
Skinny
Beautiful hair
Eyes to kill.
Makes me just feel I don't fit in your category.
Our relationship has gotten better. A lot. Not so much fighting and yelling. But I just want you to understand this. I can't handle being somewhere that brings back so many bad things. I just wish I could forget it.
But maybe I just haven't forgiven you yet.