New Struggles

Thinking about this.

I've been thinking and thinking.
Why?
Why was I put where I am?
Why did I hurt so many people?
Why did I let him out of all people control me?
Well I wish I had those answers. I just wish that I could go back and fix everything I've done wrong. But this is the real world, nothing can be taken back. I can only hope that I'm forgiven. This guy I feel is holding me captive. He got me this promise ring and to him it's like his lock to hold me wherever he wants me I feel. It's not like it was given out of love. It was like this barrier where I couldn't leave. Anytime we argue he uses it against me. Let me mind you I bought him one too, one he doesn't even wear now bc he says it's too small. Which is a load of shit. But if I even take mine off at work he flips. I work in a bakery where if I kept it on all day it would get gross fast lol. Everyone in my family I feel hates him same with my friends at work. They tell me he's nothing but bad news and only gonna hurt you further. But without him I don't have anyone else ya know. Like, all my best friends I had have left me. All I have is him. I don't hang out with anyone else. I wish I had just half the friends I had by freshman year honestly. A girl to talk to and someone to just drive around and vibe to tunes with. Someone to vent to who knows what I'm going through. The only best friend I really had we stopped talking years ago. She was true and the most real friend I had. I just need to get out more. Hang out with old friends and hope to rekindle some friendships. Ugh I wish this would just get easier.