New Struggles

Sorry.

Sorry.
I'm sorry that I distance myself from everyone who wants to help.
I'm sorry that I don't keep up with the latest things.
I'm sorry I can't help that I just want to be alone.
No one really can understand my life or why I do the things I do.
But I do them to protect myself. I don't want to let anyone back in. I just need myself right now. Understand it or not honestly I don't care.
Maybe that was kinda mean, sorry.
My life was crashing all around me last year.
I lost my home.
I lost my dad
I lost my mom.
Well I have my mom still but it's not her. She's different changed into someone I barely recognize.
My dad just pops in my life when he wants to to call me a bitch or tell me how much of a let down I really am. All my life all I wanted was to hear my mom or dad say 'I'm proud of you'. That's all I wanted. Have I got that hell no I haven't. Will I ever? Honestly I don't know. But I have an uncle who believes in me and my grandmother and grandfather who will forever stick by my side. Honestly I'd be lost without them. Yeah there's been others who stuck around for a few years and left. And people that have been around for months who have changed my perspective on life. I'm thankful for the friends I had in high school. Well I guess friend. She showed me a lot. We don't talk much anymore but she's doing so great. Going to school for something she loves and I'm proud honestly. All that high school shit that broke up our friendship it's over. Time to forget that. But, I hope she's doing okay mentally. I know we used to cry together on stupid Skype calls and tell each other the deepest things that no one knew. I remember her birthday when I drew her that picture of her idol. Honestly I wonder if she still even has it. I wonder if the friends I made my senior year still think about me or if they just forgot about me. Either way I hope they are okay.

To all that I've hurt I'm sorry. I hope all of you are doing alright in your life and I wish nothing but the best for you. I'll always be here for you. Reach out I'll answer. Even if we haven't talked in years. It's tough not having anyone.

Don't know where this chapter was really going but, I guess I just rambled for a few. Just a lot on my mind lately. . .