New Struggles

Not My Last Letter

I'm not gonna start this by talking about me, or if I am or am not happy.

This chapter is about you. I've noticed things have been bad with you. What you post on social media it's off. You say you're hiding your real mood but I see behind it. Just what I seen today, on your snapchat. " see I don't think I can fake this anymore" ya know what I'm referencing here. You might not want to be here anymore but, we need you here. There is something left for you to stay for. Your life is not like this song you chose to post. You might feel it. I've felt it too. I've tried to not be here many times. But you were there. Every time I'd think about it. I told you and you talked me out. Even the days when I was just feeling down you brought me up. You, you can help everyone but not yourself. Put yourself first, you should be your first priority fuck everyone else. You deserve to wake up in the body your in and smile. Smile because you're happy. You always say your looks hold you back. But truthfully they aren't bad. You talk about your weight, no girl should give a fuck about that. It's about how you treat her, not if youre so called over weight. Fuck all that.
You talked about a message from me, how it could change everything. Why? How could it? I broke your heart I know that. There's no hiding that. I care so much about you, I'm not bluffing. You're an amazing person but there's no way I make that much of a difference in your life. If I never came around. You would have been you.
It's been 5 years. One message changes our lives forever. All because my ex wanted me to leave him alone. Someone who broke me down brought me someone like you.
I've been thinking a lot, I remember this time 2 years ago maybe 3 I'm not sure but it was getting close to my birthday and we would snapchat everyday sending stupid pictures then finally you posted a video of all of the ugly snaps I sent you. Honestly made my ass cry. I do miss that. I miss how we used to talk a the time. Now it seem neither of us have time. I work late nights now so I'm sleeping almost all the time. I wish this could all be better.

These letters again, mine so jumpy and not organized. Just a bunch of things put into words randomly in order. All of yours are so, perfect. You speak how you feel but it sounds good. Mine choppy and misplaced. You want me to message you, the phone works both ways. If you want something go for it.
"you miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take"
Yes I'm in a happy relationship, but that doesn't mean you can't speak to me. No it's not gonna be like we used to be. But I will help you when you're in need. When youre sad and want to cry, you can cry. I know you've cried over me. And you shouldn't. I'm not worth it. I'm not the perfect one, perfect is perception. I hated it when my best friend said you were broken down because I left with the guy I was with and stayed with him that night. If you knew how unhappy I was with him you wouldn't have cried. You told her so many things. How if you didn't get with your ex you'd be with me. That he wouldn't even be in my life. Well, maybe that's right, we won't know.
We won't know if we'd be together for 5 years by now.
We don't know if we would have already dated and broken up
We don't know what life could have been.
We do know that we can't change it, only wonder on what it could've been.
And that gets you no where.

This is getting too long, and random thoughts jumbled into this. So I'll leave it alone for this letter.

I hope life starts to treat you better, keep your head high. Smile that beautiful smile and be the guy I know you are. Laugh, it was always my favorite thing to hear pure happiness from you. The day we met and you smiled the whole time, you kept staring at me like I was special. Idk, I'm just suprised after 5 years, you never forgot about me.

-Kate