Have you ever wondered what life would be life if one thing didn't happen?
I think about this quite often lately.
Let me give you a bit of a back story here.
It was the summer before my freshman year I believe I was going through a lot. A group of guys wouldn't stop being assholes to me and my best friend at the time. Let me tell you we were fucking crazy lol. Went to the point of pulling up to the house these guys were at to confront them. But anyway, during all of this I ended up going to one of my friends sleepovers. It was lit tbh. This is where it all started lmao. I met someone I never wanna live without. The first person I truly loved and still love lol.
But we talked on and off for yearsssssss like it was forever it seems like now. Well anyway, a bunch of things happened between us. When I told him I loved him I meant it. But he wasn't really feeling it and trust me I understand that completely. But all I can think is what would have happened if he did? Would we be celebrating our 5,6,7 year anniversary right now? Would we just be friends still? Would I still be caught up in this abusive shitty controlling relationship? All theses thoughts race through my mind daily like it's crazy. Looking at my life now I can't see him not in it. I just wish things were different. I know he's going through so much right now and I just wanna give him the biggest hug and tell him everything is okay. Yeah things are shit right now but it's okay, and it's okay to not be okay about this. The purpose of writing this isn't to make him feel some type of way. I just wanted to get these thoughts out of my mind right now and put them on here written out. It's been weighing heavy on my heart. I see all these things and I get jealous. I could easily just show him how much I love and care and maybe even be his but I'm so weary about the subject. Why? I know he's an amazing guy but the one I'm with right now doesn't even care about me it seems. It's so hard to get out of this bull shit cycle again. I just want to be happy with someone who loves me. And honestly I know this guy does. He's seen me at my lowest and still said I was beautiful. He seen me completely embarrass myself and make a fool of myself. I just wish moments in time could be relived because if they could I'd go back in a heart beat and rewrite my whole story 🤞🏼 well anyway until next time folks. Love ya 🙏
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New Struggles
PoetryJust some entries, some poems, some just plain feelings and rants about things that are going on in my life. I hope you can relate to my struggles, understand that you're never alone. *Will be updating everyday! I might miss a day though, I'm not pe...
