New Struggles

Thoughts

I wonder why you still try.
Not being rude but honestly. Why? I've done nothing but hurt you. Constantly. Yeah you hurt me too. But I feel like I did you so much worse. I still do think about you, constantly. Miss your smile, that goofy laugh and you confident persona. Even if you were dying on the inside you put up this front that everything was okay. Just like I do all the time. But you saw, saw behind my mask. You knew I wasn't okay. I don't exactly know how but I guess after years you figured it out. I know you see the fake ness behind all those posts about me. How it doesn't seem right. Like you said you can tell it doesn't feel right. That's somethings off about it. And you're right. Not everything is okay, but I'm working on making it better. I shouldn't have to change a man to respect and love me. Or beg for loyalty. But he's honestly changed so much for me. Something you don't see. Yes there's been times I've been so afraid of him and others where I never felt so loved. I shouldn't have to wonder what mood he's in or if we'll fight till the death everyday but I do. I just can't leave. I put so much effort and tears into him. It feels normal now i guess. Wishing for a day I won't have to worry. If that day will come I still don't know. I guess this is kinda pointless though, to sit and write to someone who I can't talk to, because of my relationship. But I just wanted you to know, I'm doing okay. Things get bad but they get better over time. I just hope for your sake you can say the same thing. I hope you're okay and I hope you're doing well.
Have a great day man.