Therapy: Session 2 [Personal]

// 13

so i've been having serious post-seeing dan and phil live depression

like seriously though it's an issue

every time i think about it i start to cry. like it's happened probably 4 times in the past 3 days.

there are two reasons that i'm sad because of it.

1) it's because it's over. it'll never happening again. the likelihood of them going on another tour is infinitely small. me going to vidcon is also infinitely small. i waited seven months for two hours and now those two hours are over and they're never coming back again and i can't fathom that.

it'll never happen again and that makes me so sad. i don't remember every detail and that kills me. i remember a lot. i could go into it in detail, but i have my journal of memories.

i just hate that i'm never going to see them live ever again.

and second reason

2) when i was at that show, i don't think i've ever been happier in my entire life.

i'm being completely serious. being with 3000 people who were there for the exact same thing i was, screaming our lungs out to two people that have probably saved many of our lives.

and just watching them, oh god! they're so tall and it's difficult to see how really tall they are through a camera, but in real life you can see that they are so tall. there's so much that you notice about them that just doesn't come through in the videos.

i like to keep track of the moments i feel at peace with myself. and one of them was at the dan and phil show.

the last part of the show is something amazing and while it happened, i started sobbing my eyes out because of how unbelievably happy i was. like body racking sobs that i don't think i've ever done before. and then it was over.

it was over.

and now i'm crying on the daily because of it.

anyways, that's been my past few days.