Therapy: Session 2 [Personal]

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i just failed my first test.

ever.

i've been taking tests for what, 10 years?

never once have i failed.

i've gotten a few c's. those feel like failure.

i've gotten a few b's. even those feel like failure.

i never thought i would actually fail a test. i got 50 percent. 50 fucking percent. that's not even a good failure. that's WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU failure.

this is the first time i've failed a test and i don't know how i'm going to handle it. it's been an hour and all that's going on in my brain is just

LOSER!WORTHLESS!FAILURE!SHITFACE!ASSHOLE!STUPID!WORTHLESS!PATHETIC!HORRIBLE!WORTHLESS!WORTHLESS!WORTHLESS!PATHETIC!WORTHLESS!WORTHLESS!

i don't deserve my intelligence. i don't deserve my memory. i don't deserve all the opportunities i've been given. i'm stupid. i'm so fucking stupid.

i've tried so hard to be intelligent my whole life but it turns out i'm just a fucking failure.

i either need to get my shit together or just... stop. stop trying to be who i'm not.

BECAUSE I'M OBVIOUSLY NOT SMART.