Therapy: Session 2 [Personal]

// 19

so i know tomorrow i'm going to feel better about this tomorrow but right now i need to get this off my mind

i'll never get to meet dan and phil.

even if i somehow i manage to do one day, i'm just one of the many many people who have. they mean so much to me, and i'm nothing to them.

even if i told them how they've saved me so many times or the way they make my life infinitely better just by existing, so many people have told them that. i'm nothing to them, yet they're everything to me.

and it's the same fucking case with brendon urie. or benedict cumberbatch. or tyler joseph. or anyone that's important in my life.

they don't know how important they are to me and that kills me. i think about it so much and it hurts me.

but the thing is, if my life goes the way i want it to go, i want to be someone like that. someone who betters other peoples lives without having to know them intimately.

so i hate the thought of my idols not knowing me, but i want to be one of those people.

ahhhhhh