Therapy: Session 2 [Personal]

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i've been sitting alone at lunch lately and all i have to say about it is that

I HATE IT I HATE IT I FUCKING HATE IT. I HATE SITTING ALONE AT LUNCH SO MUCH I HAD ONE YEAR OF HAPPINESS BUT NOW I'M BACK TO THIS SHIT. HAVING NOWHERE TO SIT BECAUSE ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS HAVE OTHER FRIENDS THAT THEY LIKE BETTER THAN YOU OR THEY HAVE FANCY UPPERCLASSMEN BOYFRIENDS WHO TAKE THEM PLACES. IT JUST REMINDS ME OF ALL OF MIDDLE SCHOOL. WHEN MY FRIENDS WOULD ABANDON ME ON MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY BECUAE THEY WANTED TO BE AWAY FROM ME. THIS SHIT FUCKING HURTS. I HATE SEEING ALL THE PEOPLE WALK PAST AND LOOK AT ME PITIFULLY. I HATE HAVING TO MAKE SMALL TALK WITH WHOEVER PITIES ME ENOUGH TO COME AND SIT NEXT TO ME.

I HATE SITTING ALONE AT LUNCH WITH A BURNING PASSION.

it's fine if it's just once. but lately it hasn't been! it's become a daily thing. because nugget goes off with her boyfriend and yeah they invite me to sit with them sometimes but then i just feel like i'm intruding. dawn is always with her other friends and i don't know any of them enough to sit there and again i just feel like i'm intruding. my two upperclassmen friends have started to go somewhere else so i have no one. it's just me. just like it was all of sixth grade. and all of seventh grade. and all of eigth grade.

it may not seem like a huge deal but to me it is. it doesn't matter that i have friends, it doesn't fucking matter. what matters is that i'm tired of being second in everyone's life! it hurts!! it fucking hurts!!

i'm so goddamn tired of people forgetting about me when they throw parties. i'm tired of people cancelling plans with me to hang out with other people. i'm tired of people never caring about me enough to ask what's wrong when somethings clearly wrong.  i'm just so fucking tired of being so alone all the time.

god this is making me just want to fucking die.

I. HATE. SITTING. ALONE. AT. LUNCH.

END OF THE FUCKING STORY.