Elena Gilbert's journal

02/01/2014

Dear diary -

I really don't know why I bother to write in this diary anymore ..what's the point in writing about miserable days you just don't want to remember . I don't know what to do now ..Damon's gone ,he promised me ..he would come back to me and Damon always keeps his promises . So much has happened in 8 months , Jeremy has moved onto college and he's doing really well ,mom and dad would be so proud , Matt is doing really well now in charge of the mystic grill , Stefan and I are really close but him and Caroline are together ..I mean I'm happy for them ..of course I am ,I mean Caroline's my best friend but Stefan ...I mean to be true I feel jealousy running through my veins ..and that's not right ,I love stefan and Caroline ,I really do but I just feel as if I'm turning into Katherine loving Damon but loving Stefan ...even though that bitch is dead she always pops up into every conversation ! It just annoys me not knowing what to do anymore , I have no real friends to talk to anymore !I preferred it when Damon was here ,but he's gone and I might as well face the fact and move on with my healthy human life . Being a vampire changed me ,it really did but now I'm human again ,I feel conscious being around vampires ,it seems to scare me now that I feel the urge to be with someone ,someone who I've really bonded with over these past months ..someone who's helped me through Damon's death ..assuring me that he will return ...but how can I feel the urge to love Enzo? It just doesn't feel right ,after him nearly killing Damon last year and turning him into a crazy physco vampire killer ,killing anyone that they meet including ... Aaron ..

I went shopping today with Caroline ,it's really different without Bonnie ...she shouldn't have left us ,she didn't deserve to die ,she was our best friend and she saved us all risking her own life , I bought some new tops and dresses my wardrobe is starting to fill up again ..well after the incident with me basically turning my humanity off ,killing people , burning my house down and yeah...

So I guess life is pretty different , Rics been making me go to this therapist to help me with my mourning and stuff ,I guess it helps but the main thing is to write everything that happens in a day ,all my feelings and emotions ..and it's supposed to help so that's what I'm doing .

A new start ,so I guess a new me !