I used to read a story about a pigeon. Great way to start off a chapter right? Pigeons are actually great, sue me. But in this book, this talking pigeon would ask the readers, if they would help him convince this bus driver to allow him to drive the bus. But for the pigeons own safety, the driver said no. Spoiler alert, he didn't get to drive the bus. But, at the end of the story, the pigeon looks off into the distance longingly at this big truck. That's how a cycle works, you say one thing and beat it into the person's head, but they still go after something they know they shouldn't. I'm not sure if the pigeon was am adrenaline junky. I'm not sure if he might have been suicidal, which is pretty dark for a children's book, but hey, it happens. Hell, the pigeon might have had some weird thing for big vehicles. Who knows? All we know, is he wouldn't take no for an answer. And once he did, he went to something worse. Much, much worse for his health. I am the fucking pigeon. I know the word "no". I know when someone tells me not to do something, it's for my safety. But the adrenaline. The rush I get when I do something bad. The dizzy spells I get when I get caught doing something bad. The heart ache I get when I realize I won't be able to experience the bad thing again. But here's the catch, it wasn't bad. Nothing I'm addicted to, is bad. I smoke cigarettes and that's bad. I drink a lot of sweet tea, and that's also bad. I stay up all night on this damn app and I don't sleep, and that's also bad. But my rush? My rush comes from the most purest form of good. This good is disguised as a bad. Its like a Geode crystal. Absolutely stunning on the outside, but sharp, and rough. Hard to crack open. But once you hit the inside..its the most amazing thing I've ever seen. I am the pigeon. But instead of chasing cars, and vans, and try is that could kill me. I chase something much, much worse. But unlike the pigeon, I don't take it as far as driving it. I let it idle. And that's my problem I guess.
